


Wine Mom Dadceit

by Hamiltalian



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Deceit | Janus Sanders needs a drink, Gen, Kid Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Kid Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, M/M, Multi, Older Brother Dr. Emile Picani, Other, Parent Deceit Sanders, Parent Deceit | Janus Sanders, Parent Logic | Logan Sanders, Parent Morality | Patton Sanders, Past Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders - Freeform, Queerplatonic Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Queerplatonic Relationships, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Teenage Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Teenage Sleep | Remy Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24058477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamiltalian/pseuds/Hamiltalian
Summary: Just the adventures of divorced wine mom Deceit trying to figure out how to deal with his feral son and emo teenager, especially when they decide to team up.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Dark Creativity | Remus & Deceit | Janus & Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Dr. Emile Picani & Sleep | Remy Sanders
Comments: 107
Kudos: 440





	1. Chapter 1

Ah, the weekends of a divorced dad. Janus would never say that they were his favorite time of the week, but he would say that they were his most peaceful. No work, no kids, just him and his self care regimen. There was nothing quite like taking a hot, lavender scented bubble bath with a mimosa or five, though on this particular week, he did have to alter that plan the tiniest bit. Remus, his younger child, seemed to be getting more chaotic by the day and Virgil, his thirteen year old with a twelve year head start on his emo phase, was not helping. In the past, Virgil would help Janus keep his brother in check or would at least keep himself busy while Janus rounded him up, but more recently, Virgil was getting involved in Remus’s schemes, at least at home. In public, he still just preferred to keep to himself and let Remus draw all of the attention to himself. 

So, instead of the usual champagne in his drink, Janus decided to go with vodka and did so with a heavier hand than usual. Originally, his plan was to go through the line of drinks that he’d made and see how long it would take before he passed out in the bathtub, but sometimes parenthood meant that he couldn’t enjoy even the simplest of pleasures. 

Janus had just taken the first sip of his first drink when his phone began ringing all the way from where it was beside the sink. 

“Someone had better be dying!” he said as he got out of the hot water. Every weekend, he set his phone to only ring fpr a call from Virgil, his ex husband, Patton, or his ex husband’s much more responsible queer platonic partner, Logan, but he also made it very clear that he was not to be bothered unless it was an issue of utmost importance. 

On this weekend, it was Patton who either had to give Janus a good enough reason to be calling or risk his head. Janus rolled his eyes and answered the phone, the same reaction he would’ve had if it was anybody else. 

“Hello?” he said, trying not to sound too annoyed. 

“Hey, Janus, I know you asked for us not to bother you, but we can’t find Roman anywhere and I know that Remus and Virgil did it.” 

Ah, yes, that was another issue that they had. Logan, had Roman, a kid about Remus’s age, from a previous relationship and, to put it simply, he didn’t get along with Remus or Virgil. Things never got as out of hand as they did between Remus and Virgil alone, but it did still worry Patton. 

“Well, how do you know they did it?” Janus asked, partially because he really didn’t want to have to go anywhere and partially out of defense. To be clear, he wasn't defensive against Patton, he was sure there was a good basis for the accusation, but the stupid PTA moms made it instinctual. 

“Because I asked where he was and Remus said ‘don’t worry, I’m sure he’s being fed and hydrated’ then Virgil gave him a look. They’re refusing to talk.” 

“... Did you check the attic?” 

“Janus!”

“Alright! You’re right, fine, I’ll be there in a bit,” Janus decided, putting his phone on speaker mode as he began moisturizing. “I hope you appreciate the fact that I’m saving my vodka for later over this.” 

Patton paused for a second. “Were you drinking? I can go pick you up, if you want.” 

Janus laughed and began getting dressed. “And leave Logan to deal with Remus and Virgil? No way, I like him too much for that. Don’t worry, I only got to take a sip before you called.” 

“Alright... Thanks again.” 

“No problem. You know I can barely handle them and I’m the one taking care of them most of the time.” 

“I’ll see you when you get here.” 

Janus heard his phone beep as Patton hung up and groaned. Why couldn’t they terrorize a kid that he didn’t care about? 

As soon as he was ready, Janus drove over to Patton’s house, noticing that it was almost too quiet as he walked up to the front door. Were they sure that his kids were inside? He knocked on the front door and waited to find out. 

Logan answered the door, visibly relieved as he saw Janus there. “Thank goodness.. Sorry to interrupt your self care day, but we seriously cannot find Roman anywhere.” 

“I get it, it’s fine. I told Remus that Roman was off limits for his little torture sessions, but we both know he doesn’t like to listen.” 

“The fact that you didn’t put any kind of air quotations around ‘torture sessions’ is really not going to sit right with me.” 

Janus shrugged and walked in. “Just tell me where they are and we’ll be out of your hair.” 

Logan closed the door behind him and lead him to where Patton was holding the two kids. “Oh, you don’t have to take them for the whole weekend, we can still watch them once this is done and over with.” 

Janus almost laughed at that. “No, after I had to stop my self care weekend for this and Remus did what I explicitly told him not to, I’m taking them with me. No offense to either of you, but Patton’s method of just grounding them won’t work.” 

Logan was too afraid to ask what would work on a kid like Remus. He was a good kid, he was just absolutely feral. “Well, they’re just waiting up in Remus’s room..” He showed him the rest of the way up and announced their arrival. “Patton, Janus is here.” 

“No!” Remus cried out, running straight towards Janus to headbutt him, his father putting his hands in the way and catching him by his head. 

“Remus, listen to me, where did you put Roman?” 

“I just want to point out that this was completely Remus’s idea,” Virgil said. 

“Ah, yes, because an eight year old is capable of pulling this kind of heist off,” Janus remarked, picking Remus up and carrying him under his arm. People liked to remark that Remus was a little too old to be carried like that, but then Janus gave him permission to give that person hell for a few minutes and they were silenced. 

“He called Virgil a raccoon! Only I can call him a raccoon!” 

Logan cringed at that. “I told him to stop with the name calling..” 

Janus waved it off. “Remus, Roman is like your step brother now. We talked about this, when you get mad at him, you do not hide him.” 

Remus pouted and wiggled to get down, landing on his feet as Janus released him. “Fine, but if he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll hide his favorite prince costume.” 

“If he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll allow it, but can you please tell us where he is?” Logan asked. 

Remus nodded and walked over to Roman’s room, leading the adults to his closet. 

“We already checked in here,” Logan muttered. 

“Well, he’s in there,” Remus said. 

“Again with the talking back?” Janus scolded. “Please just show us where he is.” 

Remus opened the closet door and moved all of the clothes out of the way, showing them a Roman that had been duct taped to the wall. 

“Oh my goodness!” Logan cried out, running to get something to help free his son. 

“Where did you even get this much duct tape?!” Patton asked. 

Janus rolled his eyes. “You’re in so much trouble... Patton, do you guys have any alcohol?”

“I don’t know if this is really the time for a drink..” 

“Rubbing alcohol, Patton, for the tape on his face.” 

“Oh! Right, sorry..” Patton laughed awkwardly and ran off to get that. 

Janus smiled and turned back to Roman. “Sorry about Remus... He gets protective of Virgil sometimes.” 

Roman just shrugged, apparently unbothered by the situation. 

“I’m guessing the fear wore off a while ago. This is the part where I would usually tell you that I’ll do something next time you mess with my son, but I feel like he doesn’t need the extra protection.” 

Roman shook his head. 

Logan ran back into the room with a pair of scissors and a box cutter. “Alright, Roman, hold still..” 

“Yeah, or else he’s going to cut off your fingers!” Remus said, laughing. 

“I think we’ve heard enough out of you,” Janus scolded. “I’m going to need you to wait with Virgil while I figure out what to do with you when we get home.” 

Remus pouted. “But I want to stay with papa this weekend!” 

Janus shrugged and carried him over to Virgil’s room. “Then consider this part of your punishment.” 

Remus groaned as Janus put him down on his brother’s bed. “Pack your shit, we’re going home early!” 

“Remus! We’ve talked about the cursing! Save it for when we get home!”

“You never let me do anything!” 

Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed Remus’s arm. “I’ve got him, don’t worry.” 

“Oh, yeah, don’t let me forget that you did have a part in this too.” 

Virgil groaned as he realized he wasn’t getting out of this and grabbed his weekend bag, getting ready to leave with Remus. 

Janus nodded and walked back to Roman’s room, watching as his two dads freed him. 

The second Roman dropped to the ground, he marched right on over to Janus. 

“You can tell Remus that I’m ready for a rematch at any time!” 

Janus chuckled. “Oh, really? Let me get him right-” 

“No! Take him away! Take him away! Take him away!” 

Were it any other child, Janus would’ve taken offense and followed through on his threat of bringing Remus out. But, considering the fact that Roman was known to be dramatic and they just peeled him off the wall, he decided against it this time. 

“I guess the three of us should get going, then. I’ll talk to you later, Patton. Logan, help your son stay off of walls.” 

Roman stuck his tongue out at him. 

Janus just laughed and left, dragging his sons to the car. “You two are in so much trouble,” he said as they got into the car. 

“What are you going to do?” Remus asked. “Stick us in a dark closet? Wax our hair with duct tape? Hang us on a wall by a chain?” 

“Stop listing weird things!” Virgil said, holding his head. “He’s not going to do that to us! ... Right?”

“No!” Janus insisted. “No, I’d never do that. I’m taking you to the park. Virgil, we all know how you feel about sunlight and Remus, if I see you anywhere you’re not supposed to be or if you bother another innocent child, I will bring out the leash and you’ll be on a boring walk with me and Virgil.” 

“No!” 

“You should've thought of that before you taped Roman to a wall!” How Remus usually ended up on the sun covers above the playgrounds or sitting on top of the swing sets, they'd never know, but it seemed to be at least half the fun of going to the park for him. At least this way, Remus would still be getting all of that energy out for a little bit. 

“Do I have to go?” Virgil asked. “It’s so bright and it’s so hot out...” 

“You do. You can walk with me under a parasol.” 

Virgil rolled his eyes, hiding a small laugh. “You’re so gay..” 

Janus swatted at him jokingly. “Uh, excuse you, I am bisexual. You, however, are gay. If you’re going to use labels as an insult, please use the correct ones.” 

Virgil snickered. “I still don’t want to go out in the sun.” 

“You should’ve thought of that before you helped your brother duct tape Roman to wall. It’s a two man job, minimum.” 

Virgil tutted and stayed on his phone for the rest of the ride home. 

Janus smiled and sighed, wondering if his five champagne flutes worth of screwdrivers would fit in his water bottle. For some reason, he had a feeling he’d need it. 


	2. Chapter 2

As they pulled up to the house, Janus began setting out the rules for the quick stop. 

“Both of you wear what you want to wear to the park and then wait for me in the living room. I’m going to be cleaning up the drinks that I was planning on enjoying earlier and mourning my hot bath.” 

“You know, you can take hot baths during the week,” Virgil pointed out. “I mean, you do work from home a lot, aren’t you always saying that nobody can stop you from doing what you want when you work at home?” 

Janus sighed and walked with the two boys into the house. “Virgil. The point of the hot bath is to relax away the stresses of the week. How can I do that if I’m working?” 

Virgil turned to face him, staring his father dead in the eyes. “Dad, I love you, but if anybody else asks me why I’m so dramatic, I’m going to start writing these kinds of things down to quote back to them.” 

“When you’re older, you will understand the importance of self care.” Sure, Janus made sure they knew the value of doing regular self care, but it wasn’t the same as doing self care regimens that were as extra as his own. “You’re going to look back at this conversation one day and realize that I know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

Virgil shrugged and walked off, not very sure that he believed that as he went to his room, Remus darting to do the same. 

Janus sighed and went to the bathroom, grabbing his water bottle on the way and pouring the drinks into it. They didn’t quite fill the water bottle all the way, so Janus filled the rest of it with orange juice and finished cleaning up the day that he’d previously planned, finding both Remus and Virgil waiting for him once he was done. 

“Do I really have to go?” Virgil asked. “I will go back to dad’s and be on my best behavior.” 

“Yes, you have to go. It’ll be good for you to go outside for once.” He grabbed his parasol and Remus’s leash, just in case. “Come on, Remus isn’t complaining.” 

“Remus doesn’t mind human contact!” 

“I want to climb the swing sets!” Remus said, running over to cling onto Janus’s legs. “And the kids are all stinky!” 

Janus peeled him off. “No, you’re in trouble. If you so much as think about putting spiders in someone’s hair, it’s the leash for you.” 

Remus pouted and followed him as they all walked outside and drove down to the park. 

The second that they got there, Remus hopped out of the car and ran to the nearest playground, Janus sighing as he watched. “Well... At least the car was parked this time.” 

“I can literally just stay in here the whole time,” Virgil said. “Please.” 

“Nope. We’re just going to walk around, you can wear your hoodie, god forbid I make you expose your whole arms to everyone.” 

Virgil huffed and got out of the car with Janus, pulling up his hood as he join his dad under the parasol. 

“Virgil, I respect that you want nobody to recognize you ever, but aren’t you a little hot in that?..” 

“I wouldn’t be if you’d let me stay home.” 

Janus rolled his eyes. “I want you to learn a lesson about what happens when you tape children to walls, but I don’t want you to overheat.” Even Janus had switched out his usual long sleeved button up for a t-shirt. It wasn’t particularly hot, but Virgil wasn’t particularly used to being anywhere without air conditioning. 

“Fine... I’m going to leave my hoodie in the car, only because my shirt has long sleeves.” Virgil went and sat in the car as he took off his hoodie, glad that this particular purple shirt wasn’t too worn out. 

“Isn’t that a little better?” Janus asked as Virgil joined him back under the parasol. 

“No.” 

Janus tutted. “You’re such a drama queen.” 

Virgil shrugged and messed with his fidget cube as they began walking around. “Yeah, I get it from you.” 

Janus smiled a bit as they walked. He didn’t particularly like forcing Virgil out of his comfort zone like that, but the poor kid had had a hard time making friends his own age, so it was pretty rare that he went anywhere that wasn’t school. It was tough to get him out during the week, so on the weekends where he took them back early, he made sure to take advantage of it. 

About fifteen minutes into their time at the park, Janus was approached by one of the PTA moms from Virgil’s school. 

“Oh my goodness, hi! It’s funny running into you two here. You’re the last people I’d expect to see out here, knowing Virgie,” she joked. 

Janus faked a smile. He always at least attempted to be civil with any moms he didn’t already have beef with. “ _ Virgil _ doesn’t do that well in social settings, I know I’ve said it time and time again. I just thought this would be quiet enough.” 

“Well, where’s that other kid of yours? He’s always so.. Upbeat at the PTA meetings.” 

Janus looked over at the playground where he last saw Remus and saw him running around like a normal kid. “He’s over there, just playing around.” 

She looked over and nodded. “It’s good to make him get out all of that energy from time to time, isn’t it?”

“If it’s too much to handle, I guess that would be the best course of action, wouldn’t it?” 

She laughed, though it was pretty clear that she caught onto his passive aggression. “That reminds me, we haven’t seen dear Patty in a while. All of us other PTA moms have to look out for one another, after all.” 

That was it. That was the last straw. “Virgil, why don’t you go sit with your brother? I think the two of us have a bit of catching up to do.” He pulled the beanie off of his head and gave it to Virgil, knowing that his son would be too nervous to draw attention with the parasol. 

Virgil did not hesitate to take the beanie and leave. As much as he wanted to see his dad fuck someone up, he did not want to be in the direct path of any spilled blood. So, he went over to the playground Remus was at, playing with his fidget cube to distract himself. 

Unfortunately, having his face down meant that he couldn’t see a basketball shooting straight for his face until someone caught it, inches from his nose. 

“Woah, that was trippy. I mean, I, like, never can catch anything like that.” 

Virgil glanced up, his face as pale as a ghost as he realized what had just happened. He almost just got hit in the face by a basketball and this unfortunately cute boy his age just saved him. 

“Woah, holy eyeshadow.” 

Okay, Virgil had seen enough. He was ready to die. 

“I mean, that is an intense look and I’m kind of digging it,” he said as he threw the ball back towards the court. “Now that my jock phase is over, can I get a name? I’m Remy.” 

As much as Virgil wanted to quietly walk away, this guy did save his face. “Thank you... I guess since you helped me, I’m Virgil..” 

“Virgil, that’s a cute name. What’s a little vampire prince like you doing out here?” 

Virgil laughed awkwardly. “I’m just here with my family, I guess...” 

“You guess?” Remy asked, pulling off his sunglasses. “That’s a weird thing not to be sure about.” 

Virgil shrugged and glanced over at the playground where Remus was at, trying to find him. “It wasn't my choice.. My brother likes it here better than-” Virgil cut himself off as he saw a kid knock Remus off of the playground, feeling himself fill up with rage. “Hey!” He immediately ran over and helped his brother off of the ground, clenching his jaw as he saw some scrapes on Remus’s face. 

“It didn’t even hurt!” Remus insisted, though the way he was tearing up said otherwise. 

Virgil looked up at the kid who’d knocked him down and glared. “You fucking brat,” he spat out venomously before turning his attention back to Remus. “What happened?” he asked much more softly. 

“I told him I had three dads and he pushed me like a coward,” Remus explained through his tears. 

“Fucking hell...” Virgil grumbled under his breath. “Come on, let’s go get dad.” 

“No, I’m fine!” Remus kept insisting, wiping his eyes. “Just let me get him back, I’m fine.” 

“No, Remus... If I let you keep running around, dad is going to get mad at us both.” 

“Hey, is he okay?” Remy asked as he walked up behind Virgil. 

“I just have battle scars! I can fight that other guy!” Remus insisted. “I’m fine!” 

Remy laughed and knelt down beside the two of them, pulling out a box of bandaids. “I’m, like, a serious clutz, so I carry these around all the time. Do you mind?” he asked Virgil. 

“I.. Um... I mean...” Virgil was back to his normal, disaster gay self now that his initial anger wore off. 

“I want a bandaid!” Remus said. 

Remy smiled and gave Virgil a look, making sure it was okay with him. 

Virgil just nodded. 

“Well, I don’t see why you can’t have one,” Remy said as he pulled out a band-aid and put it on Remus’s face. 

Virgil almost fainted as he noticed that it was a rainbow band-aid. 

“Hey, it’s like the flag in Virgil’s roo-” 

“Weren’t you going to go torment a child?” 

Remus grinned widely as he got permission to do as he please and ran off, chasing down the kid. 

“Pfft.. Kids, right?..” Virgil asked, trying to brush it off. 

“Oh, I already knew you were gay,” Remy said matter-of-factly. “I saw you walking under a parasol.” 

“That was my dad’s idea,” Virgil quickly insisted. “I mean.. Yeah, I’m gay...” 

Remy smiled. “Knew it. Anyways, a little information about me: I’m gay, I have band-aids, I’m new in town.” 

Virgil couldn’t stop himself from laughing at that. “John Mulaney..” 

“It never fails,” Remy said, shrugging. 

“What never fails?” Remus asked as he popped up behind them. 

Virgil jumped and turned to face him, ignoring the handful of hair hanging out of his pocket. “How long have you been standing there?” 

Remus shrugged. “We should go home before that kid’s mom sees that I took his hair.” 

Virgil glanced between him and Remy and Remus seemed to catch on quickly. 

“Ooh! He’s a homosexual and Virgil’s the homo!” 

“Remus!” 

Remy quickly stepped in, though this time, it was his turn to start blushing. “So, my brother probably knows that I’ve escaped my grounding by now, do you have a phone number that I can get for my trouble?” 

“Uh- Yeah! I mean...” Virgil searched his pockets. “Yeah, but I left my phone in the car...” He checked his back pockets and found his eyeliner pencil. “Would this work for you?..”

“Yeah!” Remy gladly rolled up his jacket sleeve. “Mark me up.” 

Virgil nodded and moved to grab Remy’s arm, hesitating as he realized it meant direct physical contact, which he wasn’t too sure that he was ready for. 

“Come on, I don’t bite. I, uh.. I kind of feel like that’s your brother’s job.” 

Remus smiled proudly. 

“Right, yeah, I know that,” Virgil said awkwardly. As quickly as he could without making it seem like he was trying to get away from Remy, he grabbed his arm and wrote his phone number down. 

“Great! I’ll text you later if my bro doesn’t chew my head off. I just seriously needed to get outside after all that unpacking.” He got up and grabbed his box of band-aids again, giving a few more to Remus. “You do you, little buddy.” 

“Thank you!” Remus took them and immediately began putting them on random spots on his arms and legs. 

Remy chuckled and looked back at Virgil one more time. “I’ll talk to you later..” 

Virgil nodded and watched as he walked off, thankful that Remus wasn’t making the obvious joke. 

Instead, his brother sat down beside him and let him be gay in peace. 

Unfortunately, his father didn’t get the memo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because people have gotten mad at me for accidentally falling into this trope before, I should clarify: Patton's deadname isn't Patty, that's just what the transphobes of the PTA assume it is


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Janus finds out about Virgil's new friend and Remus leads a Lego class war

“Hey, Virgil, what are you two doing sitting on the- Remus, what happened to you?” Janus asked as he reappeared, though the question had lost its intensity over the years. 

“Virgil’s new boyfriend gave me band-aids!” 

Janus crossed his arms, interested in this news. “New boyfriend? Wait, stop trying to distract me, why are you scraped up?” 

Remus shrugged. “A kid pushed me off the playground, so I took his hair.” 

“Why did he push you off the playground?” 

“Because I have three dads.” 

Janus nodded in understanding. “Well, maybe it’s a sign that we should head home. Then I can hear all about Virgil’s new boyfriend.” 

Remus nodded and looked back at Virgil, who seemed all kinds of flustered as he got up from the ground. 

“So, uh.. What happened with that mom?” 

“I told her that if she ever talked about Patton like that again, I will not hesitate to let Remus come to the meetings off-leash.” 

“Yay!” Remus cheered. “Wait, am I still in trouble?” 

Janus shook his head. “Of course not. The other kid started it this time, but that doesn’t mean you can go mess with any kids until they hit you, that’s cheating.” 

“Well, I already knew that,” Remus said. “I’m not like other kids, I fight fair.” 

“You fight to kill,” Virgil added on. “Most other kids don't rip out that much hair and keep it as a trophy.” 

“It’s a good thing I’m not like other kids, then.” 

The rest of the walk back to the car was so quiet that Virgil almost started hoping that his own drama had been forgotten, but there was no way his dad was letting him off that easily. 

“So, what’s this about a new boyfriend?” Janus asked once they were at least in the privacy of their car. 

Virgil groaned and pulled his hoodie back on, glad to have his phone back. “Can we not talk about it now?” It was one thing talking to his dad about his feelings, but to do so in front of Remus? It was not going to happen. 

Janus nodded and “Alright, but don’t bet on me forgetting about this.” 

Virgil nodded a bit, though he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t still hoping his dad would just forget about it. 

Sadly, it seemed that all of his luck had been given to letting him meet a cool guy like Remy. 

Once they got back home, Janus whipped them up a quick lunch and they all sat down to eat. Like usual, Remus devoured his own plate within minutes and ran off to go do his own thing, leaving Virgil and Janus alone. 

“So,” 

Virgil groaned and pulled his hood over his head, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

Janus smiled a bit, admiring the way Virgil still looked like a little kid when he did that. “Virgil, you know you don’t have to be embarrassed around me like that. You’ve talked to me about boys before.” 

“That doesn’t make it any less embarrassing the next time around,” Virgil grumbled. 

“Well, there’s no pressure to talk. If you’re not ready to share, you’re not ready to share and I’ll respect that. But you do realize that I’m the person you have to talk to if you and this new boyfriend of yours ever want to go out on a date, right?” 

Virgil nodded. “I mean, duh, of course I know that, but we literally just met. I’m not talking to you about a guy I just met like we’re going to get married next week.” 

Janus laughed and put his hands up in defense. “Alright, fine. I’m dropping the topic for now.” 

“He’s not even my boyfriend, we were just talking,” Virgil explained as he came out of his defensive position. 

“Was he cute?” 

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Virgil huffed and kept eating, silent for the rest of the time. 

Janus respected his choice and backed down, knowing that Virgil would just clam up if he kept pressing on like that. Still, couldn’t help but to be curious. Virgil kept to himself a majority of the time, so any kind of positive human interaction was considered a win in Janus’s book and he, as a parent, wanted every detail of it. But it was Virgil’s business and if he wasn’t ready to share, he wasn’t ready to share. Janus didn’t get him to feel comfortable enough to not just lie his way out of a talk by constantly forcing his business out in the open. That was more Patton’s thing, though he was working on not doing that anymore. 

After lunch, Janus went to go check on Remus and see if those band-aids were just for decoration or not. He did say he got pushed off of a playground, after all, and while Remus may have been more durable than the average kid, he was not indestructible. 

Janus knocked on Remus’s door and waited for permission before going inside, smiling at the scene. 

Remus had a town of Lego set up in his room and all of his Lego people were crowded around a big building with a dollar sign decorating the top and a guillotine at the bottom. 

“What are your Lego people doing, Remus?” 

“They’re going to eat the rich!” 

Janus laughed and sat down with him. “That sounds like a fun time, is there anything I can do to help their cause?” 

Remus pointed at the guards standing at the foot of the building. “The class traitors are in the way.” 

“Well, they can’t take out everybody. I think, on my count, they should storm the building, yeah?” 

Remus nodded. “I can’t move them all by myself.” 

Janus smiled and shifted so he was behind the Lego people with Remus right beside him. “Ready?” 

“Ready!” 

“Okay. And... Now!” The two of them pushed the Lego people forwards until they knocked over the guards, careful to minimize how many of their own Lego people got knocked over. 

“Now we can get the rich from the inside!” He lifted up the Lego tower and let Janus take out the people from the inside. 

“You make me very proud. I hope you know that.”

“I know!” Remus took the Lego figures from him and put them in the guillotine, chanting. “Eat the rich! Eat the rich! Eat the rich!” 

“Eat the rich! Eat the rich!” Janus joined in. 

Remus stopped chanting once he had the first Lego situated. 

“What kind of party are you guys having in here?” Virgil asked as he stepped into the room. The two of them were making too much noise for him to not be curious. 

“A political party! Vive la revolution!” He dropped the guillotine blade repeatedly until the head popped off of the Lego. “It works!” 

“I’m going to need therapy,” Virgil said as he walked off. 

Remus gave Janus a police Lego. “Do you want to behead the class traitor?” 

“More than anything.” He gratefully took the Lego and let Remus help him put it in the guillotine, dropping the blade until it his head popped off. “I mean, I see Virgil’s point, but this is surprisingly therapeutic itself.” 

Remus nodded. 

“Now, what do we say?” 

“ACAB!” Remus cheered. 

Janus laughed. “True, but that’s not what I was looking for. What else starts with ‘A’?” 

“Anarchy!” Remus swiped his Lego figures, spreading them on the floor. “They’re taking back their rights!” 

Janus nodded and got up, unable to physically handle the amount of pride he was feeling in his son. “When you find my rights, please let me know. I want to store them right beside my white privilege.” He walked out, shedding a few tears as he did. 

Virgil saw him and sighed. “Are you crying tears of pride because your son is leading a class war?” 

Janus just nodded, feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

“I mean, as much as I would love to participate in a class war, I’m pretty sure that’s not normal.” 

“You and I both know that Remus isn’t normal, but as least he isn’t a capitalist.” 

Virgil thought for a second and shrugged. “Yeah, you’re right.” He went back into his room. 

Janus smiled and went to his own room, relishing in the fact that he was raising a family of punks. 


	4. Chapter 4

By the end of the weekend, Virgil assumed Remy had forgotten about him. Sure, there was the highly probable possibility that Remy was still grounded and still didn’t have his phone, but Virgil chose not to get his hopes up. Always be either right or pleasantly surprised, that’s what he told himself. 

“Something wrong?” Janus asked as he sat down for breakfast with his boys. 

Virgil shrugged. “No, nothing. I just... I don’t really want to talk about it right now..” 

Janus nodded and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well, that’s your choice.” 

Remus looked between the two desperately, trying to figure out what kind of conversation was going on without him. “Is this about Remy? I want to see him again.” 

Virgil choked on his orange juice. Remus may have been a goblin, but nobody could say he wasn’t smart. “No, this is not about Remy, this is about something that’s none of your business,” he hissed once he regained his breath. 

Remus tutted and almost threw a handful of eggs at his brother. He stopped himself, however, when he realized that his dad was still there, watching him very carefully. 

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.” 

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” Remus said, though he was clearly lying. 

“Of course you weren’t. And I wasn’t about to take away your video game time for the week.” 

Remus pouted and sat back down, eating the rest of his food quietly. 

Once they were all ready to go, Janus dropped them both off at school before heading to work, wishing he could take Virgil’s advice of taking a hot bath instead of working. 

Virgil sighed as he stepped on campus, going back to his routine of keeping himself as hidden as possible. No cute boys, no Lego class wars happening a couple of walls away, just boring, terrifying middle school. He made his way to his locker, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, though it wasn’t inconspicuous enough. 

“Oh my god, Virgil, is that you?” 

Virgil groaned and tried a little harder to stay hidden. He didn’t recognize the voice, but it wasn’t like there was anybody for him to recognize. 

“Virgil, stop ignoring me, I can’t run with my Starbucks!”

Nope. Still not his business. 

“Well, at least promise you’ll tell Remus I said hi!” 

It was the other person’s fault for not at least introducing himself fir- Wait. Tell Remus? Almost nobody knew Remus and those who did rarely wanted anything to do with him. 

Virgil turned around and saw a familiar face shuffling down the hallway, struggling not to spill the contents of a Starbucks cup. “Remy?..” 

“In the flesh!” he said as he caught up. “I’m, like, totally sorry I didn’t text you, my brother kept my phone locked up the whole time, even when I told him it was an emergency.” 

Virgil couldn’t help but smile. “I wouldn’t say it was an emergency..” 

“I would,” Remy said with a wink. 

Virgil blushed and quickly changed the subject. “Are you drinking coffee?” 

“Ugh, no. My brother is no fun, he won’t let me have a daily coffee yet. He says it’ll stunt my growth or something like that. For now, I’m fine with a hot chocolate.” 

Virgil thought about how short his father was. “Yeah, I believe that.” 

“Wow, everyone is conspiring against me,” he sighed. “So, like, we should probably get to class or whatever. I could definitely use a tour guide,” he hummed, shimmying a bit in Virgil’s direction. 

Virgil laughed a bit. “I guess I could help you out..” 

Remy smiled and gave Virgil his hot chocolate to hold, searching through his backpack for his schedule. “Literally, it’s my first day, I do not understand why my bag is this messy already...” It was about a minute before he eventually found it, pulling the paper out with a victorious grin and handing it to Virgil. “So, what’s the verdict? Any classes together?” 

Virgil looked it over and nodded, hoping he didn’t notice how red he felt himself turning. “Yeah, a couple... And we have lunch together.” 

“That is so cool! It’s like I have a built in friend already!” He pulled Virgil into a hug, but almost immediately released him as he felt him tense up. “Oh, sorry. My brother is, like, the biggest hugger and I guess he’s rubbing off on me. I’m guessing you’re not that big on hugs?” 

Virgil shook his head. “Uh... No. Sorry.” He hardly liked it when his popstar hugged him too much. 

“Honey, you have nothing to be sorry for, I should’ve asked first. I’m good with a little shoulder pat,” he said, doing just that. “Why don’t we get to class, built in friend?” 

“Right..” Virgil lead Remy to class, sitting beside him in the back of the room. 

“So, how many other friends are you going to introduce me today?” Remy asked as they sat down, pulling out a notebook. 

Virgil laughed awkwardly. “Well... You know Remus?” 

“How could I forget the cute little demon?” 

“That’s about it.” 

Remy seemed genuinely surprised, something that Virgil didn’t really understand. “A guy as cool as you?” 

“I’m not really cool by teenage standards... Just by my family’s standards.” 

Remy pouted. “Well, that’s their loss. If nobody else wants to be your friend, I don’t want to be anyone else’s friend.” 

“You don’t have to do that.. You actually do seem like a cool person, you could get along with other people just fine. I don’t like people anyways..” 

Remy smiled a bit and leaned over towards Virgil, wiggling his eyebrows. “You like me, don’t you?” 

Virgil blushed madly and pulled a book out of his bag, starting to read it. 

Remy pouted and sat up straight. “Alright, I guess I could ease up for now. Are we at least friends?..” 

“Of course we’re friends. Just.. awkward friends.” 

“All I need is that we’re friends.” 

The two kids spent the school day together whenever they could with Virgil doing his best to keep Remy quiet and Remy doing his best not to fight anyone who gave them a funny look. And considering that the new pretty boy was hanging out with the goth loner, there were a lot of fights for Virgil to stop. Still, he kind of loved having Remy around. It was definitely weird compared to hanging out with himself, but it wasn’t a bad thing. He was a friend with the chaotic energy he was used to. Virgil was almost disappointed by how quickly the school day ended.

Remy groaned as the two of them stepped out of the school. “Now I have to leave my friend and go back to being a prisoner of my brother.” 

“At least you don’t have to live with Remus,” Virgil joked, though it had been made clear that he was the only one allowed to joke about Remus when Remy almost had to drag him out of fighting. 

Though it didn’t seem to be a problem. Remy didn't spend enough time around Remus to see what kind of goblin he could really be. “He’s really adorable, but I guess living with all that energy must be something.” 

“That is... An awfully nice way to put it,” Virgil joked. A few seconds later, he spotted his dad’s car in the line and sighed. “There’s my dad. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?..” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Remy said before kissing Virgil’s cheek. 

His face went bright red and he walked off without another word, getting into his dad’s car. 

“Is that the Remy that Remus was talking about?” Janus asked, not one to miss an opportunity to pick on his boys. 

“Maybe...” 

Janus smiled and glanced out the window again. “He looks nice. Remus said he liked him?” 

“Surprisingly,” Virgil said, half joking. “I get it, he’s kind of chaotic when he’s not being just really chill, but Remus is probably still on another level..” 

“You should invite him over so we can compare them.”

“He’s grounded,” Virgil added quickly. “I’m not sure for how long. He can’t come over.” 

Janus tutted, knowing that Virgil was probably telling the truth. “You can’t avoid letting us meet forever.” 

“I can try.” 

Janus smiled as he decided to have mercy on him and stop with the questions for now. After all, this was a big deal for Virgil, crushes were a big deal for everyone and a new friend was pretty rare for Virgil. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin it by asking too many questions. Instead, he drove them to Remus’s school without another question on the matter, taking them home afterwards. 


	5. Chapter 5

When they got there, Janus sat down with the two of them to help them with their homework, as usual, and gave Remus a snack. Virgil said he was too old for snacks, as if nobody saw him getting his own snack about half an hour in. 

As he got up, Janus saw Virgil’s phone screen light up and, honestly, he didn’t mean to peek, but the screen lit up and he just glanced over. He wouldn’t have noticed anything if it weren’t for the heart emojis. 

[Unknown #: Hey, Virgie!!! I got my phone back to message you! <3]

[Unknown #: Hope you appreciate this, I said I’d do extra chores for the rest of my grounding]

“Uh.. Virgil-”

“Dad’s reading your texts!” 

Virgil immediately ran back over and snatched his phone up, glancing at the screen before looking back at his dad. “Seriously?”

Janus shook his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to read them, I just saw the emojis and I got a little curious... Is that a friend of yours?..” he asked, suggesting that he knew exactly which friend. 

Virgil nodded and sat back down. “He’s pretty funny like that..” Come on, there was no way he took on a bunch of extra chores just to talk to him, they could talk in school. Virgil assumed Remy stole his phone back purely to talk to whatever friends he used to go to school with and decided to talk to Virgil for a minute.

[You’re insane, I hope you know that]

[Remy :) :What can I say? I’m crazy for you, emo boi ;*]

Virgil blushed and put his phone down, pretending like he didn’t notice his brother and dad staring at him. 

“Remy says hi, Remus.” 

Remus smiled widely. “Tell Remy to ask you out already!” 

“Why don’t we just get back to math?” Janus suggested in a desperate attempt to get Remus to ease up. 

The rest of the week seemed like just business as usual. Virgil would get be a gay mess and Janus would stop Remus from messing with him too much. So, technically, there was nothing new to tell Patton. At least, that’s how Virgil and Janus agreed to justify it. 

It wasn’t that Virgil particularly enjoyed keeping secrets from his popstar, they just didn’t quite have the level of communication that Virgil had with his father. His popstar was definitely more likely to try and pry for information than his father was, though all three of them were working on getting him to not be so intrusive as well as finding a way to get Virgil to be a little more open without feeling like he had to be embarrassed. 

But there was still a pretty big hole in the plan. 

“Remus, I will give you five dollars if you don’t bring up Remy to anyone this weekend,” Janus said as he helped his sons get ready to go. “Virgil isn’t ready to share about him yet and you know that your father would be hurt if he knows that Virgil isn’t telling him something.” 

Remus thought long and hard enough to make Janus sweat. He and Patton had a very civil divorce, they were friends as well as co-parents and Janus wasn’t sure how keeping this kind of secret from him would affect that. 

“I’ll make it ten if you don’t torment Roman.”

“Make it fifty and we have a deal.” 

Janus felt his eye twitch. He was a good liar, but how could he justify Remus or any eight year old walking around with a fifty dollar bill? “I’ll buy you a chocolate bar.” 

“Two chocolate bars!” 

“Done.” Janus held his hand out and felt himself relax as Remus shook it. 

“I would’ve done it for free.” 

“Just get ready to go.” 

Remus giggled madly and kept packing his bag as Janus went to check up on Virgil. 

“What did he say?..” 

“He hustled me out of some candy, but he won’t be a problem.” He gave Virgil the two five dollar bills that was supposed to be Remus’s bribe and gave it to Virgil. “I promised him two chocolate bars. You can have the rest of the money.” 

“Thanks..” Virgil put the money in his pocket and sighed. “I feel like this is going to go so badly..” 

“You say that about everything. It’ll be fine, I promise.” He pulled Virgil into a one armed hug. “If it doesn’t, just say it was my idea to hide it.” 

“Why would it ever be your idea to hide it?” 

Janus shrugged and kissed his forehead. “I’ll figure it out. You just worry about keeping Remus from picking on you. Now finish getting ready, Logan’s going to be here really soon.” He got up and left, waiting for the two boys to be ready and for Logan to get there to pick him up. Usually, it was Janus who dropped them off, but after the last weekend, Logan felt bad for cutting Janus’s relaxation time short and insisted on coming to pick them up. 

Janus let him in when he got there, inviting him inside. 

“Good morning, Logan. Roman didn’t want to come along and say hi to Remus?” he asked jokingly. 

Logan shook his head, smiling a bit. “I don’t think he wants anything to do with Remus after last weekend..” 

“Yeah, well, I made Remus swear not to torment him, we shook on it and everything.” 

“What did it cost you?” 

“Just some candy, you know how kids are,” he shrugged. “I won’t blame you if you don’t want him all pumped full of sugar when he goes over, I’m sure he’ll live if he doesn’t get the candy until I go to pick them up tomorrow night.” 

Logan shook his head. “I won’t mind. Like you said, I have Roman, I know that Remus won’t believe you unless you give him candy upfront. We can swing by the store on the way to the house.” 

Janus smiled. “Thanks.. I was going to just give him money, but this way was cheaper.” 

“No problem.” Logan smiled back and sat down with Janus as they waited for the two boys. 

“How have Roman and Patton been getting along? I hope Patton isn’t going too upset by the fact that Roman and Remus don’t seem to get along particularly well?”

Logan shrugged. “I’m not letting him feel too much pressure there. I just keep reminding him that they’re all kids and they’re all different, they’re not going to hate each other forever. I’m just working on getting Roman to realize that Remus will only keep messing with him as long as he picks on Virgil.” 

Janus nodded. “And I keep telling Remus not to do anything to Roman that he wouldn’t do to Virgil.” 

“I will say that Patton and Roman get along exceptionally well. They both love Disney in a way that I will always support, but never understand.”

Janus chuckled at that. “Good.. I know Patton is pretty quick to feel guilty about this kind of thing. I remember he was really worried when you two were making plans to move in, he didn’t want Remus and Virgil to feel like we were getting replaced, even though we were all completely rooting for you two.” 

Logan smiled at that. “That’s nice of you. It still kind of amazes me how well you and Patton get along despite the divorce..” He paused for a second. “I’m sorry, is it fine with you if I bring it up like that?” 

Janus waved it off. “It’s completely fine. You know neither of us have hard feelings over this, marriage just wasn’t for us. You know we’re still good friends, I know you know we go out for drinks once in a while.” More like once in a parent-teacher conference, but that wasn’t the point. 

“Good.. I just wanted to be sure, the other divorced parents at Roman’s school are either bitter about it or way too celebratory about it for their child’s sake.. It makes me glad that I don’t get those feelings.” 

Janus just shrugged. There was nothing for them to be particularly bitter or celebratory about, he and Patton got along just fine when they weren’t living in the same house. They were just two adults who didn’t happen to be soulmates. “Yeah, romantic love is fucking weird. Young love is worse.” 

Almost as if on cue, Virgil came out of his room, immediately hopping into defensive mode. “Who said anything about love? Crushes aren’t love. I mean, what crush? Can’t a guy just really like another guy’s face without everyone talking about it?” 

Janus face palmed. 

“Um... We weren’t talking about you, Virgil.” 

Virgil froze for a second and slowly realize that he’d sold himself out. Still, he desperately hoped he could fix it as he shuffled towards the front door. “Who said I was talking about me? I didn’t even say anything about his face. Anybody can wear prescription sunglasses, Logan. You guys want to talk about me like I’m not in the room, I might as well wait in the car.”

Logan turned to Janus as Virgil went outside, hoping it wouldn’t take too long for him to realize that the car was still locked. “So... Virgil has a crush?” 

“I will give  _ you _ five dollars if you don’t tell Patton.”

Logan smiled. He knew this was a big deal for Virgil, he wouldn’t think about meddling. “I’m not Remus, I’ll stay quiet for free.” 

“Hey, I would’ve done it for free!” Remus said as he stepped into the living room. 

Logan stood up and walked with Remus to the front door. “Don’t worry, his secret is safe with me.” 

Virgil stepped back inside. “Maybe you should’ve told me that the doors were locked instead of gossiping, Logan. Did you ever think of that?” 

Logan nodded. “Of course, how thoughtless of me. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” 

“There’s no secret! Remy is, like, totally just a friend!” Virgil paused and realized what he’d just said. “Oh my god, he’s rubbing off on me... Next thing you know, I’m going to be sleeping in class and fighting the entire basketball team..” He walked back out in silent horror, Logan and Remus following. 

“Have fun with that..” Janus told Logan. “Let’s hope he doesn’t rat himself out to Patton.”

“It looks like we’ll just have to wait and see.. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” 

Janus nodded and watched them leave, closing the front door with a sigh. He gave it three hours before Virgil let his secret slip to Patton. 


	6. Chapter 6

Logan was a merciful being, he wasn’t going to mess with Virgil about his secret. Besides, he already had a feeling that Janus was doing enough of that. Instead, he changed Virgil’s focus by letting him pick the music they listened to during the drive, before and after their trip to the store. It was a trick that Janus had taught him when Logan took him and Remus out to bond with them while Janus and Roman stayed home and had their own spa day. Virgil relaxed pretty quickly when he was listening to his music and it had the added bonus of Remus liking it and being a mostly calm kid.

Of course, he still got nervous as they pulled up to the house and found Patton waiting at the door. 

“He doesn't know, does he?..” Virgil asked, sinking into his seat. 

“He doesn’t know a thing. I promised I would keep your secret and I will.” 

“Right.. I mean, there’s no secret to keep, but if you and my dad are just going to sit and gossip, there’s no reason to-” 

“Ugh, your cover’s been blown! You’re gay, deal with it!” Remus groaned before getting out of the car. 

“... Please don’t tell him.” 

“I won’t. There’s no need to worry.” Logan gave him a reassuring smile before getting out of the car and greeting Patton with a kiss on the cheek. “Sorry we’re late.. I decided to let them get some snacks at the gas station.” 

Virgil silently nodded as he passed both of them with a slushie. He didn’t want to accidentally spill his secret again. He went straight up to his room and put down his bag, sighing as Roman ran into the room. “What do you want?” 

Roman pouted and showed him a container of purple slime, glancing between the two, as if Virgil should understand it. 

Alright, that was a new one. He didn't understand it, but he knew Roman. “You’re getting creative with your insults, I will say that.” 

“No,” Roman whined, grabbing Virgil’s hand. He grabbed the slime and plopped it into Virgil’s hand. “Try it!” 

Virgil decided to humor him, messing with the slime in his hands. “Okay... This is actually pretty cool. Why are you giving it to me?” 

“It’ll help you be less scared of everything so Remus doesn’t have to fight me because of you! And it’s purple!” 

Virgil was surprised by how almost sincere that sounded. “Uh... Thank you. So, it’s a gift?” 

Roman sighed dramatically. “Obviously! Do you like it?” 

Virgil hummed in pretend thought as he messed with the slime a little more. “I think I do.” 

Roman smiled brightly and left the room. 

Virgil waited until he was gone before letting himself smile as he played with the slime. It really was surprisingly calming and when mixed with the loud music in his headphones, he definitely would’ve lost track of time had his popstar not walked in a few minutes later. Virgil pulled down his headphones as he saw him and smiled a bit. “Hey... Roman gave me a present, apparently.” 

Patton nodded. “Yeah, I was taking him to get some art supplies and he saw it and thought of you.” 

“That’s cool..” 

“Yeah... Well, I just wanted to say hi and maybe see if you wanted to hang out and maybe talk for a bit.” Patton said, trying not to sound too awkward. He got along well with Virgil, but the angstier he got, the less he felt like he could relate with him. They were so different, Patton couldn’t help but to be awkward sometimes. 

When it came to awkwardness, however, Virgil had him beat. “Talk? What’s there to talk about? Nothing's going on,” he said, trying not to sound too defensive. 

Patton smiled. “I know, you’re not going to make friends and all that.. We don’t even have to talk, but I thought maybe we could paint our nails?..” He held up a few nail polish bottles. 

“Oh... Yeah.. That actually sounds nice.” Virgil smiled and put away his slime, looking down at his chipped nail polish. “I have been putting this off for a while..” Did his nails look like that all week? Did he really let Remy see his jacked up nail polish? 

Virgil was pulled out of his mind as Patton sat down with him. 

“Something on your mind, kiddo?” 

Virgil shook his head, realizing that opening his mouth to answer that question probably wasn't a good idea. 

“Okay.. Well, you know, no pressure. I’m just here to do you nails for you, just some father son bonding time.” He looked down at Virgil’s nails. “Oh, how could I forget nail polish remover?” he asked with a laugh. “I’ll be right back.” He got up and went to get the nail polish remover and some cotton balls, quickly getting back to Virgil. “Sorry, I forget how often you have your nails painted..” He sat down and held his hand out for Virgil’s. 

Virgil smiled and gave him his hand. “It’s fine. I’m just glad I’m not biting my nails anymore.” That was why Virgil had decided to start painting his nails and he’d stopped since, but he still liked the look. 

Patton nodded and began cleaning the chipped polish off of his nails. “You seemed like you were freaking out a bit earlier, is everything okay in school?” 

“Yeah... Yeah, everything is totally fine, I’m not hiding anything, just...” He glanced around for a split second. “Caffeine. Yeah, from the slushie, it’s really messing with me, I guess.” 

“I thought caffeine was bad for your anxiety.” 

How Virgil forgot that caffeine usually induced panic attacks, even he would never understand. “I mean.. I guess it only applies to coffee. I just feel kind of hyper at most right now.” 

“Okay... Well, let me know if you start feeling bad, okay?” Patton hummed, focusing on cleaning the black polish from Virgil’s nails. 

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Virgil tried to calm himself down and focus on this time with his dad. “So... How are things between you and Logan?”

Patton immediately began smiling brightly. “It’s great... I was kind of scared that I’d start feeling something romantic for him, since what we have is a lot like a typical relationship, but-” 

Virgil threw in a dramatic groan for comedic effect. He actually thought that Logan and his dad were a really cute platonic couple. 

Patton got the joke and laughed. “I’m serious. I’m surprised that I don’t feel anything romantic, but it’s not like this feels any lesser. It’s just different..” 

“What about Roman?” Virgil asked, though it was pretty clear what he thought of the kid. 

“Roman’s not that bad and you know it. He’s dramatic, but he’s a really good kid. He’s a sweetheart when he wants to be.” 

Virgil nodded and glanced towards his new slime. He’d be lying if he said that he thought Roman was exclusively a brat. “Am I the only person he bullies?” 

Patton shrugged. “I think it’s how he shows affection. He’s like that with everyone sometimes and he seems upset when people get offended by it. Logan’s started responding with his own small insults, just poking fun at his Disney obsession and Roman seems to adore it.”

“That... Actually makes a lot of sense.” Virgil thought about all of the times that Roman picked on him and it made sense that he was just trying to be his brother. Remus still liked to bring dead things inside and got upset when it freaked Virgil out, why wouldn’t Roman’s choice of affection be a few mean words? 

“Yeah, but I can’t blame Remus for being so protective. It’s kind of sweet, actually, when it doesn’t involve taping Roman to walls.” Patton finished cleaning up the black nail polish from Virgil’s hands and showed him the colors he had. “Okay, choose.” 

Virgil picked out purple and black. “Maybe, like, alternating or something?..” 

“Oh, yeah, that would look so nice together!” Patton smiled and began painting his nails. 

Virgil crossed his legs and simply watched, enjoying the quiet. It was relaxing, even with the scent of nail polish in the air. 

Patton stayed silent as he focused on getting his son’s nails neatly painted. He didn’t care about how neatly it was done on his own hands, but he knew Virgil would care about his own. “Maybe you can do mine afterwards,” he commented as he began on Virgil’s second hand. 

“Eh.. I’m still going to be drying out, but I can try,” Virgil responded before blowing on his nails to help dry the polish. 

“Oh, you don’t have to. I just thought it might be fun.” 

Virgil smiled. “I think it’ll be fun, too. It’s nice spending quiet time with you.” 

Patton smiled at that. He had a bad habit of speaking through movies, so those were something he tended to enjoy more with Remus. It was weird at times trying to find something to enjoy with Virgil for that reason, but this seemed to be perfect. “I’m enjoying this too.” He made careful work of finishing his other hand before letting them both take a break. 

“So, I’m guessing pastel blue for you?” Virgil asked. 

“Yep!” 

Virgil smiled. “If I'm being totally honest, I’ll never understand why you’re so into pastels.” 

Patton laughed at that. “You’ve been in your emo phase for twelve years, I wouldn't expect you to be a fan of pastels.” 

Virgil looked down at his drying black and purple nails and nodded. “Yeah, that’s fair.” He instinctively began smiling as he heard his phone vibrate. Trying to be as subtle as he could, he picked up his phone and attempted to seem uninterested as he saw a few more texts from Remy flying in. 

“Is that a friend?..” Patton asked. 

Virgil did his best to think straight. Or at least to not think gay panic. Popstar didn’t know anything about Remy, he knew that for sure. Remus and Logan both swore not to tell and his father would never rat him out like that, so he was obviously just asking a question. “Not really, we’re just working together on this stupid school project. Yeah, we’re doing a think about... Triangles.” Nailed it. 

For obvious reasons, Patton doubted that. “Triangles?..” 

“Uh.. Yeah. Like, isosceles or something. Our teacher wanted to give us an easy A project or something.” 

Patton gave him a doubtful look. “You know, you don’t have to lie, Virgil. If you don’t want to tell me about your new friend, you don’t have to.” 

Yeah, he didn’t expect that to work. 


	7. Chapter 7

Virgil blushed and thought over his options for a minute. How bad could it be? It wasn’t like he had to tell him how he really felt about Remy, he knew that having a friend was a pretty rare event for himself, his popstar would believe that he was just happy to have a friend. “Yeah... Yeah, he’s new and he started talking to me for some reason, but he’s pretty cool. I guess we just happen to get along well.” 

Patton smiled. “That’s good to hear. I hope your friendship goes well.” 

Virgil shrugged. “I mean, we just met, so I don’t want to be too hopeful or anything.” 

“I don’t know... I think a little hope is good at least once in a while.” 

“Maybe..” Virgil may not have been betrayed by a friend before, but he had been kind of an outcast most of the time, which he imagined felt the same when it did bother him. 

“And if he does hurt your feelings, I’ll bet Remus will beat him up for you.” 

In all honesty, Virgil was not completely sure about that. Their only interaction may have been Remy giving Remus some rainbow band-aids, but it seemed like that made him one of the best people ever in his book. “Yeah, he’ll definitely try,” he said jokingly before looking at his phone. 

[Remy: Did I really just go to the park only to not find you anywhere? Fake friend]

[Virgil: We never agreed to go to the park, but okay]

[Remy: If a bitch wants to enjoy his not-grounded life in the park with his best friend, then said best friend legally has to read his mind and meet him in the park]

[Virgil: Sorry, never had a friend before :/] 

[Remy: Omg, you are so dramatic! I’m kidding, I love you too much to make you do something that stupid :*] [Remy: Seriously, tho, I wish you were here instead of just my brother and his friend]

[Virgil: “Friend”?]

[Remy: Just his friend, trust me] 

[Virgil: Boring lol]

[Remy: Eh, living with no romantic or sexual tension sounds like a blessing actually] [Remy: Boring, but a blessing]

[Virgil: Fair enough]

[Remy: Well, since you couldn’t be bothered to be here, what are you doing?] 

[Virgil: Popstar’s painting my nails, I’m letting them dry so I can do his]

[Remy: I stg if you ruin your nails for me, Ill never forgive you]

[Virgil: I’m a professional at scrolling with wet nails, typing isn’t much different]

[Remy: -_-]

[Virgil: My nails are fine, worry about your starbucks and sunlight]

[Remy: I will, enjoy your fatherly affection]

[Virgil: I will] Virgil put down his phone and blew on his nails a bit more before dubbing his hands as safe to use. The next fifteen minutes of quiet father son time felt like it almost went by too fast and Virgil was kind of disappointed when it was over. Solution? He picked up the dark blue nail polish to paint polka dots onto his dad’s nails. 

“Had a creative spark?” Patton asked. 

Virgil nodded. “Something like that, yeah.” 

Patton seemed to understand Virgil’s actual motivation, but he didn’t really want to say anything and put Virgil on the spot. Instead, he enjoyed the warm feeling in his heart and watched as his son added the dark blue dots to his painted nails. 

Once he was done, Virgil gave a final nod of approval before putting up the nail polish. “And now it should be, like, an hour until they’re completely dry.” 

“Okay, that shouldn’t be too bad. Maybe I’ll figure out how to use my phone to keep myself entertained like you,” he suggested, jokingly, though oddly proudly. 

Virgil smiled at that. “I don’t know.. It’s pretty advanced stuff.” 

Patton laughed. “I don’t doubt that, I know you and your father have had plenty of practice functioning with wet nails. He’s probably giving himself a manicure now.” 

Patton wasn’t wrong, just a couple of hours early. After the last weekend, Janus really needed an extra long bath and a little bit of time to sober up before he could be trusted to do his own nails. 

“Whatever he’s doing, it’s probably being done in the most extra way possible.” 

“Yeah.. He can be over the top with self care, but it helps him relax,” Patton shrugged. 

Virgil nodded. “That’s true..” 

The two of them spent a few more minutes together, filling the silence with a bit of small talk before Patton left to make lunch, taking Virgil’s advice of putting his wet nails in ice water before he did. 

Of course Virgil knew that trick, he just wanted an excuse to spend more time with his dad without being too sentimental. 

Once his nails were dry, Patton got to work making lunch, where he was interrupted halfway through by Roman. 

“Pat Pat, can I get a cookie?” 

Roman really knew how to use his adorable appeal to get to Patton’s heart. That nickname almost always got to him. “I don’t think so, buddy.. I’m almost done with lunch, you’ll get to eat in a little bit.” 

Roman pouted and gave Patton the best puppy dog eyes he could. “Please?” 

“Aww...” He looked around to make sure Logan wasn’t there and quickly grabbed a cookie from the jar, giving it to Roman. “Don’t tell your dad.” 

Roman smiled and ran off with his prize. 

“I saw that.” 

Patton jumped a bit as he heard Logan’s voice, turning around and smiling sheepishly as he saw him watching. 

Logan shook his head and smiled as he walked over and wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist. “You’ve gotten good at refusing cookies. You’re in a very good mood.” 

“Yep!” Patton admitted with a wide smile. “I was talking to Virgil and I got him to tell me about this new Remy guy that he knows.” 

Logan was pleasantly surprised by that. “He told you about him?” 

Patton tutted and whined a bit. “You already knew?!” 

“Well... Yeah, but I didn’t hear about it on purpose, I promise. Janus and I were talking and Virgil heard us out of context and got really defensive. He’s pretty embarrassed about his crush,” he chuckled. 

“What crush?” 

Oh, Virgil was not going to like this.

Now it was Logan’s turn to act like an awkward teenager. “Did I say crush?” 

Patton nodded. “Yeah, I very clearly heard you say he had a crush.. He didn’t tell me he liked Remy like that, no wonder he was acting so weird about it...” 

“I kind of swore I wouldn’t tell you...” Logan admitted. “I feel bad, he was really embarrassed about me knowing..” 

“Oh..” It kind of stung, but Patton could understand Virgil wanting to keep something like that to himself for a while. “Okay.. I won’t tell him that I know. That’s that.” 

“Thank you..” Logan sighed and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry..” 

“Don’t apologize, it’s normal for a teenager to be a little secretive, I can respect that.” It would be the second big thing that he’d promise to keep to himself about, the first thing being the fact that Remy was Virgil’s friend, but that only made it that more important for Patton to keep it secret. So, he did. Patton made sure not to let anybody else know about Virgil’s crush or, rather, that he knew about Virgil’s crush. 

Roman, however, made no such promise as he stood hidden around the corner. 

Of course, he didn’t do anything at lunch or dinner, where Remus would be armed with forks. Instead, he waited until after breakfast the next morning, giving himself plenty of time to think about how he’d confront Virgil about it. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about your boyfriend?” Roman asked as he stepped into Virgil’s room. “Is he a weirdo like you?” 

Virgil was too horrified to be offended. “What are you talking about?” 

He shrugged. “I heard my dad accidentally tell your dad about how you like a boy.” 

Virgil jumped out of bed and marched on down to the living room, finding his popstar sitting on the couch with Logan. “Why is Roman asking me about a ‘boyfriend’ that he overheard you guys talking about?” he asked, using air quotes around ‘boyfriend’. 

Patton and Logan looked at each other in disbelief before looking back at Virgil. 

“I didn’t know he was still there,” Logan admitted. “I’m sorry..” 

Virgil sighed dramatically and turned to leave. “I’m not talking about it to anyone.” He saw Roman watching him. “That includes you.” 

Roman pouted. “Dang it... Fine, I’ll bother you about something else.” 

“No you won’t,” Logan said. “You’re going to ease up on him.” 

Roman groaned and turned to leave. “I can’t do anything in this house!” he said overdramatically as he walked away. 

Virgil waited until he was sure he was gone before turning back to the two adults. “Can we not make a big deal out of this? I don’t really want to make this a big deal..” 

“I just want to ask a couple of things, I promise,” Patton said with a hopeful smile. “You can stop me when you want, but this is kind of a big deal.” 

Virgil thought it over for a second before nodding. “Alright..” 

“Yay!” Patton jumped up and held his hand out for Virgil’s. “Come on, we can gossip up in my room.” 

“That’s not necessary,” Logan said, closing his book. “You know how Roman likes to eavesdrop, I’ll go distract him and Remus with a movie.” He got up and kissed Patton’s cheek before walking out. 

Patton smiled and looked at Virgil. “So?..” 

“Alright..” Virgil smiled and sat down with him, telling him a few things about Remy. He told him about how was probably the most chill person ever and how they met when Remy saved him from a rogue basketball, which Patton thought was the bravest thing in the world, seeing as he was the one who gave Virgil the “bad at sports” gene. He kept as many details as he could to himself, like how cool it was to see Remy go from 0-100 when someone tried to pick on him or Virgil or how much of a flirt Remy was. The last thing he wanted to do was turn into a stuttering gay mess on purpose. 

“He sounds like a really cool guy..” Patton said once Virgil was done talking. “I’d love to meet him once you two start going out.”

Virgil shrugged a bit. “Maybe.. I don’t want to make it a big thing.” He didn’t want his popstar to see how embarrassingly gay he became whenever Remy was around. At least, not yet. “Besides, I don’t even know for sure that he likes me, he could just see me as a friend.” Which Virgil knew was a lie, Remy made it very well known that he was ready to go out with Virgil at any time. 

“Aw..” Patton smiled, believing him. “Well, if you two do go out, I would love to meet him. Or, even if you stay just friends, that’s totally acceptable and I’d still love to meet him.” 

“I’ll talk to him about it,” Virgil assured, unsure of whether or not that was a lie. 

Patton let him run back up to his room and smiled to himself, feeling successful. Now, the only thing left was to talk to Janus about this. He immediately grabbed his phone and called him, seeing as this was, in fact, an emergency. 

“Hello?” Janus answered after a few rings. 

“I know you know about this Remy kid. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“... Patton, this doesn’t classify as an emergency.” 

“I think this is a serious emergency,” Patton said, though his tone was too giddy to back up his point. “Our baby boy has a crush and you didn’t tell me about it!” 

“Virgil was really embarrassed about it. He barely told me anything and you know how rare that is.” 

“Alright, fair..” Patton sighed and crossed his legs. “But I did feel like the two of us really bonded this weekend. I mean, we painted our nails together and he didn’t argue that much when I asked him to tell me a bit about Remy. He didn’t say much, but it was better than him refusing to say anything..” 

That was true. Virgil was pretty open with Janus, but with Patton? He was always worried about him trying to pry out more information. “And that’s really good to hear. See? Doesn’t it feel better to not force the information out of him? I know you want to know about him, but he’s a really shy teenager.” 

“I know.. I just hate that we’re growing apart..” 

“Patton,” Janus sighed, pausing to take a sip of wine. “Look, in all honesty, Virgil still loves you. Being a little shy and secretive is not going to change the fact that you’re his father and he loves you, okay? He just needs a little space sometimes.” 

“I know..” Janus reminded him of that all the time. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. Is that all that you needed?” 

“Oh! There’s one more thing. Are you sure that Remy’s good enough for our little boy?” 

“Oh, come on, Patton, we’re his parents. Nobody’s ever going to be good enough for Virgil.” Or Remus, but Janus liked to tell himself that it'd be years before Remus had his first crush.

Yeah, that was true. 

“But he does seem like a good kid and Virgil really likes him, so the least we can do is give him a chance.” 

“Right... Okay. Thanks, Janus. I’ll see you tonight.” 

“Of course.” He sighed and put his phone down as he heard Patton hang up. That was absolutely not an emergency, but he could let it slide this time. After all, he wasn’t so graceful about this entire situation either, as much as he pretended to be on the outside. His son had a crush and that crush obviously liked him back. That meant he basically had a boyfriend, an actual boyfriend. And a boyfriend meant that Virgil was growing up, which was definitely not okay with him. 


	8. Chapter 8

Virgil went straight back up to his room and began responding to the constant flow of texts from Remy that he’d been getting. 

[Remy: Virgil!!!] [Remy: You there?]

[Remy: Heyyy!!!] [Remy: I’m bored!]

[Remy: Answer me, biotch] 

[Remy: I’ll buy you Starbucks!]

[Virgil: Really?]

[Remy: Looooooool] [Remy: Well, now I have to :P]

[Virgil: Nice, free Starbucks]

[Remy: We can go this week]

Virgil hummed in thought. [Virgil: I don’t know, my dad is probably going to say no]

[Remy: Bring him along!] [Remy: The way I see it, you bring him and I bring my brother and it’ll cancel out, they’ll talk to each other the whole time] [Remy: Also, Remus could keep Thomas distracted]

Under teenage logic, it made sense. It was more about figuring out if Virgil was willing to let someone deal with Remus. [Virgil: Maybe after school one day, lmk when and I’ll ask]

[Remy: Awesome! How does Friday sound?]

[Virgil: I’ll ask and I’ll tell you what my dad says]

[Remy: He’d better say yes!] [Remy: I’m soooo ready for a first date]

Date? Would that be a date? Oh god, was Virgil unknowingly agreeing to a date?! Obviously, he would say yes if he knew that Remy was asking him out, but he at least wanted to know when he was being asked on a date before it happened! 

[Virgil: Date?]

Yeah, that sounded smooth.

[Remy: It can be platonic, if you want!] [Remy: But I am ready at any moment ever to agree to go on a date with you <3]

Alright, well, how could he turn down an offer like that? [Virgil: No, I’d like a date, I was just asking]

[Remy: Great!!! Go ask your dad!]

[Virgil: I will later, I promise]

[Remy: You’d better!]

Virgil smiled and switched to the messages between him and his dad, debating for a bit. He could ask him now, give Remy an answer now, and get that over with or he could let his dad enjoy his day to himself. 

[Virgil: Can I go out for Starbucks with Remy Friday?] [Virgil: Not a date, just Starbucks] [Virgil: His brother’s probably coming, too]

Janus sighed as he heard his phone ringing, assuming that it was Patton wanting to freak out at him again. He got up and got his phone, humming in surprise as he saw that it was actually Virgil. Janus unlocked his phone and checked the messages, feeling his heart stop for a split second. This really sounded like a date thing and he wasn’t sure that he was okay with that. This put him in an awkward position. The protective dad in him wanted to say no, to say that Virgil was too young for any kind of dates, even though he did say that this wasn’t going to be a date. Then there was the rational side of him that said he was raising Virgil to be a smart kid who made good decisions and, even if this was a date, it was just Starbucks. He knew that he could show up and keep an eye on the two and, even if he couldn’t, Virgil was too shy for this to become an actual date. 

[Virgil: If not, it’s whatever, we hang out a lot at school anyways]

Right, he forgot that Virgil could see that he was writing and rewriting his response. 

[Dad: Yeah, it’s fine with me. As long as I can come along and keep an eye on you two]

[Virgil: Cool, thanks]

Virgil sighed in relief. He couldn’t imagine the kind of reaction that Remy would’ve had if he had to say no. 

[Virgil: Hey, Rem, my dad said it’s fine, but he’s coming along]

[Remy: That’s fine! My brother is probably coming too] [Remy: I can’t wait!]

Virgil wasn’t sure he was ready for this and he was pretty sure his dad was not ready for it, but this could be fun. It didn’t have to be a disaster, right?

Somehow, the five of them managed to get through the rest of the weekend without any more catastrophes, something that Janus was grateful for when he showed up to pick up Virgil and Remus that evening. 

“Thank you so much for keeping everything calm, Logan,” he said, knowing that Logan was probably the reason he had as many calm weekends as he did. 

“I’m not sure you can thank me this weekend. This time, it was a bit of a team effort,” he said, holding Patton’s hand. Logan did kind of screw up in admitting that Virgil’s feelings for Remy were more than platonic and Patton did do a good job at making sure nothing was said to anyone that Virgil wasn’t okay with. 

Janus smiled at that and knelt down to Remus’s level. “Did you hurt anyone this weekend?” 

“Nope!” Remus said proudly. 

“Good job.” He held out his hand for a high five. 

Remus grinned and high fived him. 

“Yeah, Roman was surprisingly quiet about Remy. I’m surprised Logan got him to stop picking on me so quickly,” Virgil said, mistakenly assuming that Remus knew what Roman knew. 

Immediately, Remus turned to face Roman. “He did what?!” 

Janus was quick to grab him before he could lunge at Roman, the other kid running to hide behind his dad’s legs. 

“Get him away! Get him away!” Roman cried out. 

“So close..” Logan sighed, walking back inside with Roman at his feet. “I’ll see you two next weekend.” 

Patton sighed and chuckled as Logan walked off. “I don’t think we’re getting a purely peaceful weekend for a while..” 

“Yeah..” Janus shrugged. “I guess I can allow you to interrupt my self care more often,” he said, a joking smile on his face. 

“I’m sorry..” Patton said with a sheepish smile. 

“Don’t be.. Two days of pure silence is great, but knowing that these two are doing alright is better. And I’m not going to yell at you because you want to just talk, no matter what I’m doing. Got it?” 

Patton nodded. “Yeah, I get it..” 

“Great.” Janus smiled and put a light hand on Virgil’s shoulder, leading him and carrying Remus to the car. “So... I’m finally meeting this Remy character this week, right?” he asked as they all buckled up to go. 

“Yeah..” Virgil said, drawing it out a bit. “It’s really not a big deal, we’re just getting Starbucks, but yeah..” 

Janus nodded and began driving, unsure of how he wanted to talk about that. 

“We’re going to see Remy?!” Remus asked as he bounced in his seat. 

“Yeah and he said he wants to see you, for some reason,” Virgil said. 

Remus stuck his tongue out at him. “I am a delight!” 

“Of course you are,” he responded sarcastically. 

“Virgil, don’t be rude if you don’t want him fighting you,” Janus said as he began driving, half paying attention to their interaction. Whatever part of his mind wasn’t focused on driving was trying to mentally prepare himself for meeting the kid who would probably end up being Virgil’s first boyfriend. 

Unfortunately, the universe wasn’t kind enough to even give him that much time to prepare. 


	9. Chapter 9

That Tuesday afternoon, Janus was just trying to take a break from his work, enjoying a plate of tacos and a glass of wine, when he was interrupted as usual. 

“Can I not get daytime drunk in peace?” he asked himself before checking his phone. Virgil’s school? That was pretty unusual, it was usually Remus’s school calling him. This must’ve been important. “Hello?” 

“I’m calling for the father of Virgil Sanders.” 

“That’s me, is something wrong?” 

“Your son got in a fight this afternoon and we’re going to need you to come in for a parent conference. Would you be able to come in right now?” 

“Of course,” he said without hesitation, getting off of the couch. “I’ll be there in no more than 15 minutes.” 

“Thank you. We’ll see you then.” 

Janus took a deep breath and changed into a decent outfit - just a simple black button up with the sleeves rolled up and a yellow bowtie over black jeans, combat boots, and his signature bowler hat and gloves, nothing too fancy - before going and driving to Virgil’s school. 

When he got there, he walked inside and made his way to the office, almost gasping as he saw Virgil. The poor boy had a black eye and a few cuts on different spots on his face, a boy in a leather jacket beside him nursing his wounds with a wet paper towel. 

“Oh, god, Virgil..” he muttered as he went over, sitting down beside his son. “What happened?..” 

“That’s for us to discuss in our meeting right now,” the principal said as he stepped out of his office. “Remy, you can go back to class, we’ve got it from here.” 

Remy scoffed. “Uh, no. I’m going to keep cleaning up Virgil’s face and stay to make sure you’ll listen to Virgil’s side of the story.” 

So that was Remy. Okay, Janus liked him already. 

“Of course he can’t stay,” the parent sitting across the office said. That must’ve been the other kid’s mom. “Look at the way he’s cleaning up the kid’s face, his clearly biased against my son.” 

“I’m biased?!” Remy asked, almost laughing. “Uh, your son is the one in the nurse’s office getting patched up while I’m cleaning up Virgil’s face with wet paper towels and my own supply of band-aids.” 

Once he said that, Janus noticed the colorful band-aids on Virgil’s knuckles. It made him feel conflicted about his emotions. He wasn’t sure whether he should’ve been endeared by the adorable friendship between the two or enraged at the fact that the other kid was clearly being favored here. 

“It’s a private conference for everyone involved. I can’t let you in.” 

Remy pouted for a second before a look of realization spread over his face. “What if I was involved? I did push him. Just once, but I did do it. You can’t make me leave if I was part of the fight.” 

The principal slowly nodded and sighed. “Yeah, you’re right.. I’m going to need to call your guardian.” 

“Oh, come on, he’s lying to stick with his friend!” 

“No, I really did do it,” Remy said with a shrug. “You can literally ask anyone who saw the fight, I pushed your son because he was going to kick Virgil while he was down.” 

Janus started cracking his knuckles beneath his gloves. Oh, this was going to be an... Interesting meeting, to say the least. 

As the principal disappeared from the room, Janus looked up at Remy and smiled. “Hey, Remy. It’s nice to finally meet you. Virgil’s said a lot of nice things about you.” 

Virgil groaned. “I’m already in pain, can we not do this?” 

“Aw..” Remy laughed. “Don’t worry, nobody’s trying to embarrass you here.” He shifted the paper towel before nodding at Janus. “It’s nice to meet you too. Sorry we had to meet like this, I feel like this isn’t going to be a very fun conversation..” he said, nodding towards the principal’s office. 

Janus sighed. “Don’t worry. I know my son, he won’t get into too much trouble. And I can put in a good word with your parents.” 

“Oh, I live with my brother,” Remy corrected. “I was not going to stay with my folks after he left home..” 

“Oh.. I didn’t know that. Well, I’ll make sure to put in a good word with your brother.” 

Remy smiled and pulled out his phone as it started vibrating in his pocket. “Speak of the devil.. Can you hold that for me while I’m talking, Virge?” 

Virgil nodded and held the paper towel against his cheek, turning to face his dad. “They’re going to say I started it..” he admitted. “I threw the first punch, but he just wouldn’t shut up and he did push me first...” 

“Aw, Virgil..” Janus muttered. 

“I know, I’m not supposed to start fights, just end them.. But you would’ve done the same thing if you were there. He just kept talking about me and Remy and kept following us around the cafeteria.. Then he said something about Remus and he pushed me, so I turned around and punched him.. Remy was telling the truth, he only got involved because I got knocked down..” Virgil looked down at his lap, feeling almost disappointed in himself. He was almost certain that he was going to get in some sort of trouble for this, he’d been pushed around before and ignored it just fine. Not that his dad knew that, Virgil didn’t want to cause any murders. 

“Hey..” Janus smiled and put his hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “I’m not mad at you.. I know you, I know you wouldn’t have hit anyone who didn’t deserve it. And I’m glad you didn’t just let him push you around, especially when it seemed like he wasn’t going to stop.” 

“Thanks..” Virgil smiled. 

As they spoke, Remy answered his phone, feeling confident that he wasn’t going to get in too much trouble here. 

“Remy, are you really getting into fights?.. You just started school last week, what happened?” 

“Literally, do not worry,” Remy assured. “I’m fine, I was barely a part of it, I just pushed the guy away from my friend because he was on the ground, but the principal was about to kick me out of here and I was the only one helping my friend clean up his cuts and stuff. The other kid is in the nurse’s office, I know they’re not going to believe Virge without me in there.. I’m really sorry for getting you out of class, but this is stupid.” 

His brother paused for a second on the other line before sighing. “Alright.. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions, you know I’ve just been a little stressed... I believe you. I’m on my way there right now, okay?” 

Remy smiled and silently cheered to himself. Hopefully, that meant he wasn’t getting grounded again. “Thanks, Emi, you’re the best!” 

“Yeah, I know.. I’ll see you in a few.” 

Remy hummed victoriously and put his phone away as he hung up, turning back to Virgil. “I’m going to get some clean paper towels and I’ll try to get them to let me get a bag of ice from the nurse for your eye, okay?” 

Virgil nodded. “Thanks.. It hurts like hell..” 

Remy briefly squeezed his hand before getting up and going to get that done. 

“I saw that,” Janus teased. 

“What? Sorry, I can’t hear you over my throbbing eye,” Virgil said, hoping his father would give his pained son mercy in his moment of weakness. 

Janus tutted, but figured that was fair enough. “Alright. I’ll drop it for now. But, let me just say, you two are adorable. And he seems like a real sweetheart.” 

Virgil shrugged. “That’s because he’s too busy taking care of me to be his usual self.” 

“What do you mean I can’t go get ice? You’re telling me that the other kid gets to go to the nurse and get patched up even though Virgil is hurt just as bad and I can’t even get some ice from my friend? This is stupid, I’m going to go down there and get the stupid ice anyways. I can’t believe you’re just letting a student with a black eye sit there and take care of himself.” Remy scoffed and stormed out of the room, Virgil watching him with a grin that said he was absolutely crushing on him. 

“Yeah, that’s what he’s like most of the time..” 

“I think I’m going to like him most of the time,” Janus said, nodding in approval. 

Virgil nodded. “Please don’t make things weird..” 

“I won’t, I promise, I’ll just treat him like a normal friend. Okay?” 

“Thank you..” 

It was a little weird keeping that promise when he saw how close the two were, but Janus did give his word. So, he didn’t say anything as Remy came back with the bag of ice and a few more wet paper towels. He didn’t say anything as Remy sat down and cleaned the last of the dried blood before putting rainbow band-aids on Virgil’s face. He didn’t even say anything as Remy tenderly held the ice up against Virgil’s face and the two began joking quietly together. Janus just inwardly beamed at how happy Virgil was and how nice Remy was for him. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Hi, excuse me, I’m so sorry I’m late,” said, presumably, Remy’s brother as he ran into the room. “Traffic was surprisingly bad..” 

“Ah, Mr Picani.. Don’t worry, you’re right on time. I just called Braxton down from the nurse’s office, he should be here in jut a minute. Let’s move this into my office while we wait.” He held the door open for everyone to pile in, Virgil and Remy sitting beside each other with their respective guardians on their other sides and Braxton’s mom sitting on the other side of the office, her son coming in a few seconds later. 

“Great, now that everyone’s here, we can get started. Now, I would like to see the story from Braxton, seeing as Virgil and Remy had some time to get their part together already.”

Janus rolled his eyes. That had to be code for the principal wanting to hear what he’d dub “the truth.”

“Gladly. I went up to Virgil and Remy during lunch and I asked Virgil if he could talk to his brother because he’s bullying one of my cousins.” 

That was bullshit. The teachers were tough on Remus if it even looked like he was going to bully someone. 

“And then he said no, I asked him if we could talk about it because I thought I could persuade him, then he got up and punched me. He threw the first punch.” 

The principal nodded. “Thank you. Now, Virgil, why did you feel the need to get physical instead of talking out the issue?” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “That’s not what happened.. You didn’t even ask for my side of the story.”

“Very well.. What’s your side of the story?” 

“Well, what actually happened was that we had to keep moving from table to table because Braxton kept following us and messing with us. He kept calling us ‘fags’ and-” 

“Woah, now, that kind of language is not tolerated here,” their principal quickly interjected. 

Virgil shrugged. “I’m quoting him... Fine. He kept calling us the f-slur-” 

“I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a slur, either.. It’s just a bad word, something we don’t say.” 

“Except it is a slur,” Janus argued. “Unless you don’t know the history behind it? I don’t mind telling you exactly why I think the other kid should be suspended just for calling my gay son that, especially if you’re ready to punish Virgil without hearing his side of the story.” 

“Please, sit down, Mr Sanders... I apologize. Go on, Virgil.” 

“Thank you..” Virgil muttered. “So, he kept following us around and saying it and we tried telling the teachers who were there, but they either told us to get over it or just asked him not to do it again, but he did anyways.. And then I did punch him, but-”

“There, a confession,” Braxton’s mom said with a smug grin. “He hit my son first. He’s the guilty party.” 

“But,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes before continuing, “he pushed me first. He kept trying to get a rise out of me, so that’s what I gave him. All Remy did was make sure he didn’t kick me on the ground, he shouldn’t be here.” 

Remy shrugged. “Someone has to help you take care of your cuts and stuff,” he said passive aggressively, though he wasn’t really helping much anymore, now that Virgil was all bandaged up and had his ice. “Plus, if you’re going to get in trouble for defending yourself, why shouldn’t I be here for defending you.” 

“Exactly! They both laid their hands on my son and sent him to the nurse!” 

“And your son laid hands on mine and he was left to clean himself up,” Janus snapped back at her. “There’s no way in hell I’m leaving this office peacefully if both of these boys get in trouble and yours doesn’t.” 

“Now, there’s no need to threaten violence, we’re just trying to get the full picture here,” the principal quickly argued. “Please, Mr Sanders, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.” 

“Oh, you want the full picture?” Remy asked, staring at his phone screen. “Someone just uploaded a picture of the fight online, I think you’ll see what really happened.” He put his phone on the desk and skid it across, making sure the volume was all the way up so everybody could hear. 

“What are you going to do? Tell another teacher so they can ignore you again? Nobody’s going to stop me from messing with the two little fags,” Braxton said before pushing Virgil. 

Remy pushed Virgil behind him and moved to step up to him. “Who are you calling-” 

“Remy, don’t,” Virgil grumbled, grabbing his arm and pulling him back. “We tried the entire cafeteria, let’s just sit down and ignore him..” 

“Yeah, everyone knows that queers can’t fight for shit. I hope your taught your faggy little brother better because-” 

Before Remy could stop him, Virgil got up and punched Braxton square in the face. 

The rest of the fight played out just like Virgil and Remy described it, with both sides throwing punches and Remy only getting involved the one time that Virgil got knocked down, buying him just enough time to get back up and move Remy out of harm’s way before continuing to fight. 

As furious as he felt, Janus was pushing down a smile at how proud he was of Virgil. The only lecture he’d be getting would be on not letting anybody push him so far before retaliating. 

“See? My son was just messing around with them, it was just playful banter! Boys will be-” 

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Janus interrupted. “If you think boys are just going to be boys, then that should excuse Virgil’s actions as well. He got mad and lashed out. Boys will be boys. Unless you’re just using it to excuse your son’s blatant bullying here.” 

That shut her up. 

“Well, it still stays that Virgil threw the first punch.. While Braxton’s behavior was inexcusable and will be punished, Virgil can’t walk away free and neither can Remy.” He sat and thought for a minute before looking over at Braxton’s mom. “Could you and your son please wait in the office? I need to talk to these two and their parents first.” 

She huffed, but walked out, her son following behind. 

“Now, about Remy,” the principal began, quickly being interrupted by Janus. 

“What about him? He may have laid his hands on another kid, but are you going to tell me he was supposed to stand back and watch as his friend was nearly hit on the ground? I think everyone in this room realizes that that hardly counts as being part of a fight and he should not be getting any kind of punishment for what he did. At least with Virgil, I’m not happy with it, but it’s more than justifiable that he does face some consequences for what he did.” 

“Uh...” The principal paused for a second, dabbing off some forehead sweat with a handkerchief. He now saw why Janus’s name was feared amongst some of the other parents in the school. “I suppose you’re right.. But for Virgil, I’m going to have to give at least a three day suspension. And please take my word when I say that Braxton will be getting a harsher punishment for technically starting the fight.” 

“Thank you.” 

Now that the principal knew who he was dealing with, it was only a matter of minutes before the four of them were allowed to leave, Virgil with his suspension and Remy home free. As they walked out to the parking lot, Remy’s brother began talking to Janus. 

“That was really cool of you, thank you so much for standing up for Remy... I wish I could’ve been more helpful.” 

Janus shrugged. “It’s whatever, Remy shouldn’t have been in trouble. And, no offense, but you’re practically a kid yourself, I’m not going to get mad at you for not standing up to someone in ‘power’,” he said, using air quotes over “power.” “I think you’re doing a great job just choosing to be responsible for him, I remember you said you were still in school. It must be tough to balance.” 

Emile shrugged. “I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve been hanging out with him and studying at the same time since high school. I know he seems like a lot, but he’s a sweet kid when he wants to be..” 

“Okay, wow, you just met Virgil’s dad and you’re already ruining my cool rep. What the heck?” Remy said, sarcastic as usual. 

Janus laughed at that. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ve seen first hand how sweet he can be when he’s near Virgil. They’re quite the cute couple... Of friends.” 

Virgil sped walked the rest of the way to their car and rapidly began pulling the door handle, hoping it would open if he tried it enough so he could slam his head in the door. 

“Well, that’s my cue,” Janus sighed. “It was really nice meeting you.” He held his hand out and smiled as Emile shook it. 

“It was nice meeting you too. Hopefully the next time we meet for these two won’t be like this.” 

“Yeah, I think they can only deal with me at one school at a time.” He shrugged and walked off, letting Virgil escape into the car before getting in with him. 

“I’m going to bury myself alive...” 

“Trust me, you don’t want to do that.” 

Virgil looked over at him, curiously. 

Janus shrugged. “I just figured that I should ground you to make sure that Remus doesn’t get the wrong idea, so I might not be able to take you to go out with Remy. Maybe for a week. However,” he quickly added, “If he wants to come hang out with you, I don’t know that I’d be able to stop him.”

“Wait, like... Seriously?” Oh god, he really did start sounding like Remy. 

“Yep. His brother looked like he could really use some sleep, anyways. Obviously, I’m not letting you two stay alone for too long, but I am giving you permission to have a friend over.” 

Virgil hid a smile at that. At least he wouldn’t have to awkwardly ask permission to have Remy over. “Thanks.. I promise, we won’t do anything we shouldn’t.” 

“I know that. Remus is going to be watching you.” 

Alright, Virgil would still take that. He got his phone and texted Remy. [Virgil: Guess what]

[Remy: You’re going on a date with me?]

[Virgil: Yes and no] [Virgil: My dad said you can come hang out with me, as long as Remus is nearby]

[Remy: OMG!!!] [Remy: Can I come now?] [Remy: I want to make sure you’re not just letting that black eye ruin your pretty face]

[Virgil: That’s not how I would describe it, but I can ask]

[Remy: How dare you insult my best friend >:(] [Remy: I legaly have to fight you now]

Virgil smiled and tried to figure out how to phrase this. “So... Remy wants to make sure I’m taking care of my black eye at home...” 

Oh, god, Janus was already starting to regret this, but it was like he said: Remus got in so much trouble and he was usually grounded for at least the duration of his suspensions if he managed to get that bad. If he didn’t do the same for Virgil, how would that look? Virgil didn’t quite deserve to get punished for what he did, so Janus had to even it out somehow. “Sure... But only after Remus gets home. I’m going to be finishing up my work and I need someone keeping an eye on you two at all times.” 

“Alright, that’s fair..” Virgil shrugged. He wasn’t taking this as tough as Janus might have assumed, but only because it wasn’t like he did much anyways. Remus loved going out to the park and to museums whenever Logan offered to take them, since Roman wasn’t a fan, so taking that and his video game time away affected him a lot more than it did Virgil. [Virgil: He said you can come, but not until Remus gets home in a few hours] 

[Remy: Ok, ill take it] [Remy: At least ill get to see my fav gremlin!!!]

[Virgil: I thought I was your favorite gremlin?]

[Remy: Your my fav cryptid and my fav person-that-isnt-pretty-much-family] 

[Virgil: Fair enough] [Virgil: Remus has been asking to see you ever since he met you at the park, tbh]

[Remy: Because he knows how awesome I am, duh] [Remy: You don’t have to know me for long to know how cool I am]

[Virgil: Yeah, I’m sure that’s it, not the really cool rainbow bandaids that you bought his heart with]

[Remy: But think about it] [Remy: I had rainbow bandaids because I’m gay] [Remy: Being gay is fucking awesome] [Remy: Therefore, he likes me because I’m awesome]

[Virgil: Your logic is solid, but questionable, I’ll give you that] 

[Remy: Oh, hush, you know it’s true] [Remy: Hey, I won’t be allowed to curse there, will I?] [Remy: I don’t want to make a bad impression on your dad or on the smol boi] 

[Virgil: You can, just don’t go overboard] [Virgil: Even Remus curses sometimes] The way Janus saw it, those were just words inside of the house. Outside, they weren’t supposed to curse to keep from offending other people. Of course, there were some words that were off limits for all of them, but it wasn’t like any of them were trying to say those words. 

[Remy: Oh, thank fuck] [Remy: I’m pretty sure I’ll adore your brother, but no cursing?!] [Remy: that’s just too much]

Virgil held back a laugh. [Virgil: I see where your priorities lie] [Virgil: I’ll see you then] 

[Remy: Let me know the second I can come over!!!]

“So.. Are we going to have to talk about what is or isn’t allowed while Remy is over or do you think you can figure that out for yourself?” Janus asked. 

Virgil shrugged. “I mean, we’re not dating. We’re not going to be kissing or anything. And Remy knows I’m not a big touchy feely person, we don’t do anything gross, I promise. Hand holding is basically a lot for us.” 

“Oh, thank god,” Janus muttered. “I was seriously not looking forward to another awkward talk with you today. Parenting is not as easy as I make it look, you know.” 

“Really? Because dealing with Remus seems like such a walk in the park,” Virgil said sarcastically. 

“Hey, you’re not exactly a cake walk yourself,” Janus shot back, just as playfully. “You were a true emo for the first ten years of your life, do you realize how weird it is to ask a small child what he wants for Christmas and for him to say ‘a will to live’?” 

Virgil let himself fall silent at that. Even he didn’t know how to respond to that and he was the child in the scenario. “Jesus Christ, I was a nightmare when I was smaller.” 

Janus shrugged. “It seemed like everything with you was a nightmare, to be specific.” 

Virgil laughed mockingly, but he knew it was kind of true. 

A few hours later, when they went to pick up Remus, he began noticing things a little too quickly. 

“Where’s your backpack?” Remus asked a second after getting his seatbelt on. “And where are your headphones? You always have your headphones on after school.” 

Virgil glanced at his dad, who gave him a subtle nod. “I, uh... My stuff is at home. I got in trouble and dad had to pick me up.” 

Remus gasped and leaned forward as much as his seatbelt would allow. “What did you do? Are you okay?” He gasped as he finally noticed Virgil’s black eye. “Who hurt you? Do I have to kill someone?!” 

“No!” Virgil quickly said. “It was a fight, I hit the guy back, don’t worry..” 

Remus huffed and crossed his arms. “When I see the other guy, I’m going to teach him a lesson about messing with my brother...” 

“You’re not going to ever see him,” Virgil promised. “And it’s fine, he probably got into more trouble than I did...” 

“You got in trouble?” Remus asked, his tone changing very quickly. 

“Yeah, I threw the first punch...” 

Remus looked at him in awe before looking at his dad. 

“He is in trouble with me, too. You know I'm always telling you guys to never throw the first punch, he’s grounded for a week.” 

Remus nodded and sat back in his seat, content with that fact. After a few minutes, however, he realized that this was going to negatively affect him as well. “Wait, does that mean we can’t go see Remy?” 

Janus pretended to realize that. “Wow, I didn’t even realize... You know what, since Remus wants to see him, why don't we invite him over tonight?.. Maybe you three can, I don't know... Watch a movie?” 

Remus was too excited by the idea to see through his dad’s very bad acting. “Can we?! Ask him to come hang out, Virgil!” 

“Alright, I’m asking,” Virgil muttered, texting Remy to let him know that they were just about to get home and giving him the address. 

[Remy: I’ll see you in a few! <3]

“I guess he can come over,” Virgil said, shrugging. 

“Yes!” Remus cheered, now truly content with his day. 


	11. Chapter 11

The second that they got home and Janus opened the front door for him, Remus zoomed into the dining room and started on his homework, not wanting to lose too much time watching the movie. 

“You can wait until after dinner to finish what you can’t get through now,” Janus told him. “I know you probably want to hang out with Virgil and his friend.” 

It felt like having his little brother babysitting him was part of the punishment, but Virgil couldn’t complain too much. At least he was getting to hang out with Remy. 

Remy got there about half an hour later, greeting Janus politely as he opened the door. 

“Hi, it was so nice of you to let me come over,” he began. “Virgil said we’re watching a movie with Remus?” 

“Yeah. Come on in, Virgil’s helping Remus with his homework in the kit-” 

“Remy!” Remus cried out as he zoomed into the room and hugged the other boy’s side. “Hi.” 

“Hey, Remus. It’s nice to see you again,” he greeted with a laugh. “Virgil told me that you’ve been begging to hang out with me since we found out we went to the same school.” 

Remus nodded quickly. “You were really cool at the park.” 

“I’m always really cool, you won’t be disappointed,” Remy promised. 

Remus beamed and grabbed his arm. “Virgil said we can watch Coraline!”

“Yeah, that sounds fun- Jesus Christ, you’re a strong kid,” he said as Remus began pulling him towards the living room. 

“Virgil, your boyfriend is here!” Remus called out, even though Virgil was staring right at them both from his seat on the couch. 

“You realize I can see you coming, right? You don’t have to say that and he’s not my boyfriend!” 

Remus giggled madly and let go of Remy. “I know, but you’re funny when you’re embarrassed.” 

Virgil groaned and tucked his legs up against his chest, holding back a smile as he felt Remy’s weight move the couch beside him. “Hey, Remy...” 

“Hey, Virge. Why didn’t you tell me we were dating? I would’ve worn my nicer jacket,” he said jokingly. 

“Please don’t play into his jokes..” Virgil groaned. “I already live with him.” 

Remy laughed at that and leaned with his back against Virgil’s side. “Alright.. We really are just friends, Remus.” As he said that, he slid his hand back and grabbed Virgil's, squeezing it lightly as a reminder that that could change at the snap of Virgil's fingers.

Virgil hid a blush and squeezed his hand back. 

“Why is your face so red?” Remus asked. 

“I have a bag of ice against my eye, leave me alone. Just start the movie or something...” 

Remus cackled and started the movie, his eyes glued to the screen as soon as it began. 

“I used to think this movie was so creepy,” Remy said. “The Other Mother used to freak me out so bad and Emile used that to make sure I actually went to bed on time. It was the closest he’s ever gotten to being mean,” he shrugged. 

“Sounds nice. I’ve had a fist fight with Remus before.” 

It seemed like something Remy would’ve just vibed with, but for once, he was surprised. “What? Why?” 

Virgil shrugged. “I mean, last time we fought, it was about him making fun of my hoodie. I won that one, but he’s also won a few.” 

Remus nodded proudly. 

“Wow.. It’s so different having an older brother who is really nice... Not to say that Virgil isn’t nice.” 

“My dad said to always stand up for myself. If that means body slamming a child, then I’ll body slam a child,” Virgil said, matter-of-factly. “To be honest, it’s probably kind of why he’s the way that he is now.” 

“Huh...” Remy thought for a bit before nodding. “Makes sense.”

As they began watching the movie, Janus decided he might as well get the worst part of the day over with and called Patton to tell him what happened. He said a silent prayer to the one person who he truly worshiped - himself - before making the phone call, hoping Patton wouldn’t react too badly. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Patton.. Um.. I have to tell you something, it’s about Virgil.” 

Janus heard Patton gasp. “Did Remy ask him out? Are they dating? Am I meeting him?!” 

Oh great, now he was excited. “No... Virgil got into a fight today. And he got suspended for a few days...” 

Patton went silent on the other line. 

“He didn’t start it, obviously... The other kid was picking on him and Remy and Virgil hit him when he brought up Remus..” 

“I’m coming over.” 

“Wait-” Janus sighed as he heard the line go dead. “Shit.” He put his phone down and began pacing, wondering how he could go about this without ruining his sons’ evening. The only thing he could think of was taking Patton out for a drink like always, but that would mean leaving Logan to watch all of the kids, plus Remy. Theoretically, that might go well, but it could also be a disaster. But would it be better than leaving Patton to go on his rampage? That was the real question. 

After a while, Janus heard the doorbell rang and felt himself began to sweat as he went to open the door, in fact seeing Patton standing on the other side. 

“Hey, Pat-” 

“Can’t talk. I have a baby to check on.” Patton stormed past him, one goal in mind as he made his way to the living room, stopping in his tracks as he noticed that there was one more kid than usual in the room. “Oh..” 

Thankfully, they were all too distracted by the movie to notice him, but Patton could see the way this mystery kid, probably Remy, and Virgil were leaning against each other. He held back the urge to squeal at how cute it was before slowly backing out and going back to Janus, his mood completely flipped. “Is that Remy? Are they on a date? What is going on here?!” he asked, trying not to get too loud. 

“It’s not a date, they are not dating,” Janus stated. “I mean... I obviously have to ground Virgil for at least the week because he did throw the first punch, but he was supposed to hang out with Remy after school Friday, so... I figured why not?” He shrugged. He wasn’t really sure it made sense himself, but Virgil was his first teenager, he was trying his best. 

“Oh my god, that’s so cute!” Patton squealed. “They are so adorable together, I love that!” 

“Yeah... Maybe we can talk about this whole fight situation over drinks, like we usually do?.. If Logan isn’t too busy?” 

Patton nodded. “I’ll ask him and you’d better tell me everything. All I want to know for now is that he’s okay, I know he’s probably really shy about this...” 

Janus let out a sigh, relieved that Patton wasn’t making too big of a scene. “Yeah, he’s fine... He has a black eye, but he’s taking pretty good care of it with Remy’s help. Other than that, it’s just some cuts and bruises, nothing dramatic, compared to Remus or even Roman.” Roman wasn’t as big of a trouble maker, but he was a very hyper, very reckless kid. 

“Good... And I’m sure you gave the other kid’s parents hell?” 

“Of course I did. Who do you think I am?” 

Patton smiled at that and called Logan, kindly explaining the situation to him and asking him to go over to watch everyone. 

Of course, Logan, being the life saver that he was, agreed to watch them all and went right over with Roman. 

“So... We kind of have to introduce ourselves if we’re going out, right?” Patton asked with a grin. “I mean, Virgil and Remus know where we’re going and they know Logan, but Remy doesn’t.” 

Janus rolled his eyes playfully and nodded. “I guess you’re right. But don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your parents to do in front of you.” 

“I’m already existing,” Patton joked. 

“Right. Well, you know what I mean.”

Once Logan got there, Janus explained what was going on before showing them both to the living room and getting everyone’s attention. 

“Hey guys?” he asked, smiling as they all turned around. “Remy, this is their other dad. It’s kind of a tradition for us to go hang out every time one of our kids gets sent to the principal’s office, so I’m going to be leaving you three with Logan here.” He paused to let Logan wave at them. 

“I’m here too!” Roman called out, demanding attention. 

“Hey, another cute kid,” Remy said, immediately gaining Roman’s favor. 

“I’m cuter than Remus, but okay.” 

“Roman, play nice,” Logan warned as his son went over and placed himself between Remus and Remy. 

“Hey, I wanted to be by him!” 

“Remus,” Virgil said in a warning tone. 

Remus pouted, but stayed silent. 

“Thank you. You can sit by Remy again later, let him make a new friend. Otherwise, maybe you’re the one who doesn’t deserve to sit with him.” 

Remus stuck his tongue out at him. 

“Anyways,” Janus continued, “Logan’s going to be right over here, if you need him. Remy, it was lovely meeting you, I’ll probably see you again.” 

“Right back at you, sir,” Remy said with a grin. That was basically approval, right? Janus loved him. 

“Great.” He and Patton left, leaving Logan alone with two pining teenagers and two fighting children. This couldn’t be too difficult. 


	12. Chapter 12

Logan cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention before speaking. “Okay... Like Janus said, you can call me Logan. Remy, it’s nice to meet you. Virgil, you know the drill with the other two.” The drill being “keep them apart if they got too loud or physical.” “Remus, I’d really appreciate it if you were on your best behavior, Roman, you have less of a choice. I’m going to be right over here, if you guys need me. This would be the part where I’d make the ‘don’t need me’ joke, but I really don’t care if you do call me. Have fun with your movie.” He nodded and left the room. 

“He seems cool,” Remy noted as he left. 

“That’s why I’m so cool, too,” Roman pointed out. 

Remy looked at his Disney princess shirt. “With a sense of style as sharp as that? Of course you’re cool.” 

Roman beamed and looked at Remus. “Did he say you dress sharp?” 

“Your brain’s not sharp!” 

“Hey,” Virgil began again, staring his brother down. “Can you both try not to fight for one evening? We have a guest over who came to watch movies.” 

“But Roman is stupid!” Remus whined. 

Virgil sighed and got up, briefly excusing himself before coming back with two dollars. “I’ll give you a dollar each if you keep things calm.” 

Obviously, both kids took the bribe, but Remus didn’t seem quite satisfied. “Hey, I got five for not hurting Roman over the weekend.” 

“That’s the weekend. This is a couple of hours.” 

Remus looked down at his dollar and hummed in thought before glancing over at Roman, who was glaring back at him. 

“Don’t-” Virgil was cut off as Remus snatched away Roman’s dollar and ran off, Roman immediately getting up to chase him.

“I’m so glad there’s a big age gap between me and Emile. This is chaos that I’m not used to,” Remy joked, though he seemed almost entertained by the situation. 

“I’m not used to it and I live with it... I’m really sorry about them.” 

“Don’t be!” Remy assured. “Honestly, it’s not much crazier than expected, I do remember that Remus did rip out a kid’s hair. Now, he’s got this... Stepbrother? I don’t know who Roman is, trying to get my attention the same time he is, I can’t just not expect chaos..”

Virgil nodded a bit. “You are getting used to this way too fast and, honestly, it’s scary and relieving at the same time.”

Remy shrugged. “I don’t know what you expect, I’m not going to flip out on kids being kids.”

“I guess I’m just used to moms flipping out over Remus.” 

“Nah. I mean, like, even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I’m pretty sure everyone in this house would work together to kill me and then Remus would clean up the mess. You guys are protective and, honestly, I’m really digging it. Almost as much as I’m into you,” Remy hummed, looking up at Virgil. 

Virgil blushed and stared back at him, not sure how to respond to that. 

“You don’t have to say it back, I know you’re into me,” Remy joked. He leaned up and kissed Virgil’s cheek. 

Virgil felt his face go red and stood up. “I’m going to stop with the ice. I’m pretty sure I’m getting frostbite or something...” 

“Or you’re just blushing,” Remy teased as Virgil went to refreeze the ice pack. “No shame in liking someone, you see how obviously I like you.”

“Sure, but you can’t blame me for being embarrassed when you spend all of your time shamelessly flirting with me.” He tossed the ice pack back into the freezer for later before going and sitting back down beside Remy. 

He shrugged and shifted to get a better look at his face. “I don’t think your eye should get too bad.. Honestly, like, tomorrow is going to be the worst of it. If you need me to come nurse it, make sure to call me after school. You know I’m free for you.” 

“You know a lot about taking care of a black eye,” Virgil pointed out suddenly, wanting to change the subject before Remy could start flirting with him again. 

“Uh- Have you seen me?” Remy gestured to himself. “I’m a gay teenager with a short temper and an attitude. I’ve had my share of black eyes. Now, if you break anything, don’t call me.” 

“I wasn’t planning on breaking any bones, but I’ll make sure to pass that on to Remus.” 

“Good.” Remy reached out and cupped Virgil’s cheek. “So, like... How cheesy would it be for me to say that I was actually worried for you during that fight?” 

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t think you’d care either way. You just say what you say.” 

Remy laughed at that. “Yeah, that’s true. But, come on, I’m trying to be cute. Work with me here.” 

“Right... But cute’s not my thing and it’s not your thing. Even if other people think we’re cute. It’s just weird that you’re trying to act like it is.” 

Remy nodded. “It sounds like you’re begging me to just kiss you and I’m going to need you to confirm that before I do.” 

Virgil was not an upfront person, especially not when it came to this kind of thing with Remy. But, at that moment, Remus and Roman were distracted by their brawl in another room, neither of their parents were anywhere around, and Logan was distracted by who knows what. He was grounded and even when his dad was home, what were the odds that the stars would align like this again? In an uncharacteristically impulsive moment, he leaned forward the rest of the way and kissed Remy firmly on the lips. 

Obviously, Remy was shocked, but he’d been waiting for this for almost an entire two weeks. To the average person, it may not have felt like a long time, but Remy was an impatient teenager with a huge crush, it felt like he’d been waiting for years just to be kissed by his best friend. He shook off his initial shock and leaned into the kiss, grabbing Virgil’s hand with his free hand. 

Virgil pulled away after a few seconds, short of breath and with a bright red blush. 

Remy was in a pretty similar state, though he kept up his cool expression like always. “I never expected you to kiss me first, where did that come from?” he asked with a bit of a giddy laugh. 

“I just...” Virgil shrugged. “I didn’t know when I’d be able to do that. If my dad was here, Roman wouldn’t be here to distract Remus from keeping an eye on me, plus there’s no way you could’ve done it at school without anybody seeing. I don’t want to sound creepy, but we’re actually alone here...” 

Remy nodded and kissed his cheek. “For the record, my brother isn’t that strict, he would’ve left us alone if we did hang out at my place. I was only waiting until then.” He wasn’t sure when that would be, but Remy couldn’t miss an opportunity to pick on Virgil at least a bit. 

“Good to know..” Virgil muttered, trying not to seem as embarrassed as he was. “Was it, like... Okay with you?” 

“Is that even a question? I’ve been silently begging to kiss you since we met.” 

He shrugged. “Just wanted to be sure, I didn’t really ask...” 

“I think I was pretty openly giving you permission to kiss me, I had absolutely no problem with it. The only thing I do have a problem with is the fact that you haven’t kissed me again yet.” 

Virgil blushed and leaned in, doing just that. 

From the other room, Logan sat silently and wondered what to do. He could tell Janus and Patton as a responsible parental figure probably should, or he could spare them the embarrassment and let them decide whether or not they’d find out. Either way, he knew that this was probably not the right moment to go and figure it out. Instead, he snuck past them as silently and quickly as he could and went into Remus’s room, more concerned about why he stopped hearing their shouting than why there were two teenagers kissing in the living room. 

“Oh, hi dad,” Roman greeted, acting as if he wasn’t trying to pry the window open. 

That was arguably more worrying than if it had been Remus. “What are you doing?” 

“I have to run away.” 

“May I ask why? And, also, where Remus is?” 

Roman began trying more frantically to pull the window open. “I can’t tell you.” 

As if on cue, Remus’s closet door fell open and he fell out, nearly limp, but clearly acting. 

Roman burst into tears and latched onto Logan’s leg. “I killed him!” 

“Roman, he’s not dead,” Logan assured with a sigh, picking Remus up off of the ground. He was, in fact, breathing and Logan could hear him trying not to giggle. “He’s just messing with you and, it is a very mean prank, but why would you think that you killed him?” 

Roman sniffled and wiped his eyes. “We were arguing and I pushed him and he fell over and died... So, I put his body in the closet and I was going to run away so the police won’t get you.” 

“Fuck the police!” Remus said, springing back to life in Logan’s arms. 

Roman screamed, too distressed to really catch onto the concept that Remus never really died. 

“Roman, Roman, calm down, it’s okay. Look, he’s okay, he’s not dead, you didn’t kill him,” Logan assured, putting Remus down in favor of calming Roman down. 

“I didn’t?..” 

“No. It was just a really mean prank.” 

Roman slowly calmed down and nodded, starting to process what had actually happened. “You jerk!” he cried out a few seconds later, launching himself at Remus. 

“Hey, no!” Logan grabbed him and pulled him away with one arm, using the other to keep Remus away from him. “No fighting from either of you, no matter how mean he was. Don’t worry, Roman, I’l tell Janus and I’ll make sure he’s in big trouble, okay?” 

“Make sure he gets in trouble forever..” 

Logan sighed and let him go. “I’ll do that. Can you two calm down and try to play nicely for once?” 

They glared at each other. 

So, that only left interrupting the other two. This was a situation that Logan was not prepared for. “Okay... Wait right here for a minute, quietly. Got it?” 

They turned to face away from each other and crossed their arms, sitting down on the floor. 

Okay, at least they were cooperating. Logan stepped out of the room and mentally prepared himself for the undying awkwardness that was sure to come. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It looks like the last chapter is going to be the next one, lucky number chapter 13.


	13. Chapter 13

Once Remy was happy with the amount of kissed they’d done, he pulled away with a grin, keeping his hand on Virgil’s face. “So, this totally means we’re boyfriends, right?” 

“Yeah... But I’m really not ready to let my dads know yet... They’re cool about it, obviously, I’m just... I don’t know...” 

“Seriously, you don’t have to explain anything to me,” Remy assured. “I get it, it’s weird talking to Emile like he’s my parent sometimes. I usually talk to Thomas, since he’s really just Emile’s friend. If I do tell Emile about this, I’ll make sure to tell him that you haven’t told your dad and I know he’ll be okay keeping that a secret.” 

Virgil sighed and let his eyes fall shut. “You’re the best...” 

Remy shrugged. “I’d be a pretty shitty boyfriend and friend if I tried to make you justify being a little awkward all the time.” 

“Yeah, but like.. You’re cool in general.” 

“I mean, I could’ve told you that.” 

Remy turned as he heard a scream from the other room. “.... Should we check on them?” 

“No, neither of them are going to do anything permanent,” Virgil assured him with a tired sigh. “Worst case scenario, Roman gets duct taped to something he shouldn’t be, but Remus needs my help to do that. So, worst case scenario, they come out and start bothering us.” 

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it,” Remy said, taking that almost a little too quickly. The chaos wasn’t something that he was used to, but he knew that being around Virgil meant being around Remus, and being around Remus meant that chaos was just going to be part of his life now, not that he was complaining about it, he had a soft spot for the little guy. 

Instead, he turned back to face Virgil, smiling at how calm he looked. “You look so adorable when you don’t look like you’re having an existential crisis or something.” 

Virgil shrugged. “That eyeshadow isn’t meant to make me cute, I just like it.” 

“I don’t mean the eyeshadow, I mean your legitimately cute face.” Though it was weird seeing Virgil without any makeup. No foundation to hide his bright blushing, no eyeshadow clouding the space beneath his eyes, just Virgil being absolutely precious. It made him want to kiss him again, but Remy was pretty sure Virgil had enough of that for one night. 

“I’m not cute, I just...” Virgil cut himself off, his eyes snapping open as he realized how absolutely relaxed he was there. He wasn’t telling anybody his feelings out loud, no sir, not tonight. He’d already surprised himself by not making an absolute fool of himself as he kissed Remy, he wasn’t just going to push his luck and talk about his feelings. 

But Remy was not having it. He began running his thumb in circles over Virgil’s cheekbone, trying to assure him that it was okay to be calm ans open. “If you were going to say that you just like me, I hope you know by now that I really like you too.” 

“I mean...” Virgil shrugged. “I guess... But if you start teasing me for it-” 

“We both know I’ll shut up the second you ask me to,” Remy assured. “I like you too much to embarrass you for my entertainment.” 

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of Logan clearing his throat. 

Virgil jumped so high he fell off of the couch, landing on the ground with a groan. 

Remy grabbed his arm and helped him up, trying to act as casually as he could when his entire face was bright red. 

“In short, I don’t care what you do, but seeing as this isn’t my house and you aren’t exactly my kid, as much as I love you, I kind of have to tell Janus about this... Unless you want to do it yourself.” 

Virgil sighed, but he wasn’t sure what else he was expecting. At least Logan was giving him a heads up. “I’ll talk to him... Thanks for the warning, though.” 

“Of course. While I’m at it, I’m bringing Remus and Roman back out here in a minute. You two really aren’t supposed to be alone and those two really can’t be alone without fighting.” 

“Right..” Virgil got back on the couch as Logan left. 

“I hope you don’t get into too much trouble.. I’m already going to be dying from not seeing you at school, I think not being able to talk to you would be too much for my gay heart.” 

Virgil shook his head with a small smile. “I don’t know... He’s probably not going to do anything too bad, just give me an awkward conversation about relationships or something..” 

“Good..” Remy leaned in and pecked Virgil’s lips one more time before sitting an acceptable few inches away from him.

Once Roman and Remus came back out, the four of them managed to peacefully watch a few movies before Remy had to go home, though, on the surface, it seemed like Remus and Roman were more torn up about that part than Virgil was. 

“Do you have to go?” Roman asked. “You’re cooler than everyone else!” 

“Aw, I don’t think anybody can be cooler than Virgil. But sadly, yes, I do have to go. We’ll probably hang out again another time,” he assured him, ruffling his hair before turning to Remus. “And you know I’ll be back to see you.” 

“Because he likes me better,” Remus told Roman. 

“Because Virgil lives here, you goof,” Remy joked. “I’ll see you guys again soon, okay?” 

Reluctantly, both of the kids nodded and let Remy leave. 

He stood up straight and glanced at Virgil, wishing he could give him a quick kiss or even a hug without it being awkward, but that was the price they paid for being impatient teenagers. Instead, he gave him a quick smile. “I’ll see you at school in a few days, I guess..” 

Virgil nodded. “I’ll see you then.” His dad wasn’t very strict, but Virgil wouldn’t blame him if he was a little more iffy about letting Remy over for at least a few days. 

“And Mr Logan, thanks for being cool with... everything...” 

“Don’t mention it,” Logan said with a shrug, meaning it both literally and figuratively. 

Remy nodded and smiled at Virgil one last time before leaving, going out to his brother’s friend, Thomas’s, car. “Hey, Thomathy..” 

“Remy, you’re looking uncharacteristically awkward.” 

Remy shrugged and pulled on his seatbelt as Thomas began driving. “Getting caught kissing does that to you, I guess.” 

Thomas sighed, though unsurprised. “What are we going to do with you?” 

“Hey, better than sleepwalking into another neighborhood.” Now, that was an adventure. 

Just like the adventure Janus went through, doing a speedrun through the five stages of grief when he got home and realized that something was definitely going on. Virgil, not hiding out in his room? Remus and Roman calmly building a Lego scene together?! Wait, that was normal, their lady knight was saving a princess from the capitalist dragon pigs. But Virgil? 

The second Logan and Roman were out of the house, Janus calmly asked Virgil if they could have a talk, something that Remus gladly stepped out of there way for. 

... Okay, now he had reason to worry about him. 

“One problem at a time,” Janus muttered to himself as he checked to make sure Remus wasn’t spying before going back and sitting with Virgil. “So. I think we both know I know what that look on your face means... What happened?” 

Virgil turned to face away from him. “We just kissed, I promise... Remus and Roman were fighting and Logan was distracted because he didn’t realize it. It was a stupid impulsive moment.” 

Janus tried as subtly as he could to take a deep, calming breath. “I.. This is not really a situation I was prepared for. I love you, but we both were certain that you wouldn’t get any kind of boyfriend until at least college.” 

Virgil shrugged. It was true, they talked about it. “Things changed and that’s why I agreed to tell you instead of letting Logan do it. Neither of us like this, so why don’t we get this over with? Am I in trouble? And how much trouble am I in?” 

“I just... Impulse isn’t like you. That’s still tripping me up here, reasonably so.” 

“I guess... I don’t know. You’re right, it’s not like me and I surprised myself...” 

Janus didn’t want to admit it, but he was pretty sure he had an idea of what was happening here. Virgil was growing up. He wasn’t the shy kid who took everyone’s crap - Janus wasn’t stupid, but the last thing a kid needed after getting mildly picked on was a parent forcing them to talk about it - and he wasn’t the little emo who thought that every single person was out to get him, outside of his family. He was a teenager and it seemed like Remy was giving him the kick start he needed to making Janus’s life that much more hectic. “Can I just hug you?” 

Virgil glanced back at him, wondering if it was some sort of trick. His dad wasn’t the biggest hugger - at least, this one wasn’t - and this didn’t seem like much of a hugging moment. But, it seemed like a good sign, so he reluctantly nodded and turned back around, opening his arms. 

Janus smiled and pulled him into a tight hug, wishing he could freeze time. Virgil was bound to change at least a little at some point, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for it to happen yet. 

“Dad, I think you’re crushing me a bit,” Virgil joked, pushing down a smile. 

“Hush, you’ll be fine,” Janus hummed, though he was secretly hoping that if he squeezed hard enough, Virgil might turn back into a little kid again. “If Remy wants to come over again, I will be more strict about watching you. I don’t care if you’re kissing, but please let me be oblivious to it for a little longer. I’m not used to you being a teenager.” 

Virgil let himself grin. Jesus, Christ, his dad was being uncharacteristically sentimental. He couldn’t blame him, this was a pretty weird situation for them both, but he did hope his dad would stop freaking out so badly over time. “Is this what you do when Remus gets in trouble?” 

Janus just sighed. “One kid at a time, Virgil.” 

Between Remus starting to get old enough to do real damage to other kids and Virgil getting old enough to start acting like other kids, that was how Janus was going to survive the next few years. Take everything one step at a time. 


End file.
